Overwhelming

I get so overwhelmed at work and in life that I'm frozen. I literally have so much to do and I just don't do it.

I was dreaming before my alarm went off today that I called in sick to work. When the alarm did go off, my first thought was, it's okay, I called in sick. Then reality hit me. I had to get up and come in.

I waste each and every work day sitting here doing absolutely nothing. I have accomplished exactly one thing that is related to my job today. Other than that I have been reading blogs, blogging, checking my email and looking for other jobs. I found books on how to write coverletters.

There are currently four job openings that I'd like to send my resume in for. However, my coverletter sucks ass. It was good enough to get this job, but this job is dull and horrible. I'm done with dull and horrible. Also these jobs would constitute a "career change" and I'm applying for things that I'm a tad over-qualified for. These jobs don't require the master degree that I've got. Just 4 years Bachelor or equivalent. So the trick is explaining why I'm changing and willing to start at the bottom. It's hard to do without complaining about my current situation.

Objectively speaking this job isn't horrible. There are certainly worse out there. But when ever my co-workers and I go out we bitch and moan about the place. The bottom line is that I'm not enjoying what I do here. There are random sparks of light and the rest is doom and gloom.

My apartment looks like I've been ransacked. Seriously depression makes me one messy girl. The kitchen is starting to smell. I think it's because the dishes have been there for two or three weeks. But I can't muster the energy to do anything about it. I get home I watch tv or a dvd. Some times I just come in and go straight to bed. My drying rack is full of clothes I took out of the dryer at least two weeks ago, probably 3. The floor has a single path from door to closet. The only thing that gets cleaned on a regular basis is the litter box. My bathtub looks like somebody washed their dog in it and I don't think I've eaten at my kitchen table in two months because it's got stuff all over it. When I do have energy for something I usually use it to go the gym.

One of my freelance deadlines is on Friday and I had forgotten all about it. I work all day tomorrow. Guess who's not sleeping tonight? Actually I kind of like that idea maybe I can clean too. Some times I think its a good way to reset. If only the long night time weren't so dark and lonely.