Last night we had what I hope will be the last snowstorm before spring really starts. Not that you would know it by the total lack of snow on the ground today thanks to the 40 degree day we had.
But last night we had at least 3 inches. Despite the weather I went out. I had dance team practice at 6pm, and at that point none of the snow was sticking to the ground, but when we got ready to leave at 8pm it had started to stick. SOG, the other girls and myself went to a different Thursday night club, because the owner had invited us there to dance for a tourism commercial that was being filmed there. Pretty cool. When we left the place at 10:30 it was really coming down, but that didn't stop us from driving over to our regular spot (all in one car of course). By the time we got back to SOG after midnight my car was covered with snow and his car was slipping on the way back. SOG was so nice he cleared off all of cars while they warmed up.
So with a clear windshield I left his place and proceeded slowly home. I'm traveling down a two lane road on my way to the highway when I see in front of me a dude. A random guy just walking on the side of the road. I freak out hit my breaks and then slip and slide right into him.
Yep, I hit a guy with my car.
It was the scariest moment ever. The moment that I heard the thud will forever be emblazoned on my memory. (As will the sight of the car behind me driving past us and not stopping to help.) I immediatly pulled over freaking out that I had possibly killed somebody. The guy was totally fine though. I had clipped him behind one leg, so really he's lucky that he didn't break anything (so I am really, 'cuz I suppose he could decide to sue me if he wanted to - though he said he wouldn't - not that he'd get much out of an unemployed girl living with her retired parents). I called the police right away and then waited half an hour for one to show up. During that time I was on the phone with SOG and B crying my eyes out. Sometime during the phone call with the police the shock it me and I started bawling. I think it started when they asked my name and I could only think, oh my god I hit a guy with my car.
After waiting again after the police arrived I eventually got a ticket for "improper lane usage." I'm contemplating fighting it because with the weather nobody was using a proper lane, but I'm not sure it's worth it.
The weird thing is the night before I had watched on-line an episode of "New Amsterdam" (not a great show, but I find it interesting) where a lady killed a kid in a hit and run.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
And again
Having seen NG at the party last night for all of two minutes and basically only saying hi and bye, I thought surely NG would text me. Send me some kind of nice-to-see-you-sorry-we-didn't-get-to-dance-or-talk message. In my wildest dreams I hoped for a can-we-talk-how-about-coffee message.
During team practice I got two text messages from him. Two identical messages. Happy Easter, fun with family, Jesus resurrection forgive our sins bla bla bla.
I was so disapointed I nearly texted him back a snarky comment about how it's not the resurrection that forgives our sins, it's Jesus' death. But in the end I thought it would be rude. So I just ignored it.
Another case of I got what I wanted, just not how I wanted it.
During team practice I got two text messages from him. Two identical messages. Happy Easter, fun with family, Jesus resurrection forgive our sins bla bla bla.
I was so disapointed I nearly texted him back a snarky comment about how it's not the resurrection that forgives our sins, it's Jesus' death. But in the end I thought it would be rude. So I just ignored it.
Another case of I got what I wanted, just not how I wanted it.
Getting what you want isn't always what you want.
Ever since November of '06 when J got his gig performing and teaching I wanted to perform there. Well a year and a half later I got what I wanted.
Yesterday J was calling me alot too. First he left a message and then he just kept calling. Finally I listened to the message - I took his number out of my phone a few months ago - so I didn't know it was him. He was offering me a chance to perform at his club, because he was going out of town and asked my friend B to fill in and she suggested dancing with me.
We did do it. And we rocked. I did a great lesson even if I do say so myself.
After that we went to a party. I was up in the air about going, it was being held by a really good friend of NG. I was 90% sure that NG would be there. But since he hadn't been at the thursday club in a few weeks and it's the night before easter I thought there was also a chance he wouldn't show up. But he was there. His car was the first in the drive way and I could see him through the window before we even went in.
I had wanted to see him, but as soon as I got in there I couldn't look up at him - I froze. Eventually I was able to say hi, and give him a hug. He also said good-bye, but it was about 10 minutes later. I had all these ideas and fantasies about what would happen if he were there, but it was totally anti-climactic.
Yesterday J was calling me alot too. First he left a message and then he just kept calling. Finally I listened to the message - I took his number out of my phone a few months ago - so I didn't know it was him. He was offering me a chance to perform at his club, because he was going out of town and asked my friend B to fill in and she suggested dancing with me.
We did do it. And we rocked. I did a great lesson even if I do say so myself.
After that we went to a party. I was up in the air about going, it was being held by a really good friend of NG. I was 90% sure that NG would be there. But since he hadn't been at the thursday club in a few weeks and it's the night before easter I thought there was also a chance he wouldn't show up. But he was there. His car was the first in the drive way and I could see him through the window before we even went in.
I had wanted to see him, but as soon as I got in there I couldn't look up at him - I froze. Eventually I was able to say hi, and give him a hug. He also said good-bye, but it was about 10 minutes later. I had all these ideas and fantasies about what would happen if he were there, but it was totally anti-climactic.
Friday, March 21, 2008
A very good friday indeed
After weeks of avoiding the situation I finally talked to R. After weeks of avoiding his calls and text messages and being worried that at anytime I could walk out of my building to find him or a present there waiting for me, I picked up the phone and called him back.
Part of it was annoyance. I had been really ill with Bronchitis and then Pink-eye. Being that conjunctavitis is so contagious I was basically stuck in my apartment until I was almost done with the anti-biotics. I told him this three times. I talked to him once to tell him "look I'm still sick, why are you calling so much?" again when he called to see if I was going out "no you moron I've got a contagious bacterial whatsit." and then in text message when he again asked me if I was going out. I was beginning to wonder if he knew what the hell "contagious" means.
Then I got a voicemail - I think I might have pink-eye because my eyelid is itchy. And then a card outside my apartment saying the same thing "my eyelid is swollen and getting color. I think you gave me the pink-eye, but it was worth it." I was pretty pissed. I got pink-eye from the bronchitis infection after I saw him when he came over unannouced the first time. Not to mention none of those are symptoms of conjunctavitis. So I texted him back - "if you think you have it, go to the Dr. right away. but I didn't have it when I saw you last, you didn't get it from me."
He finally called today and I was still pissed enough that I thought, this is it. Give him the boot. So I called him. Told him I was getting better and when he asked when he could see me I said we'd be better off friends seeing each other out sometimes than actually dating. I gave some other rigamarol about him being sweet (ack!) and I appreciated his concern while I was sick (Blech!) but that it made me realize that he cared much more about me than I do about him. I told him round-aboutly that I still had feelings for someone else. Althogh, not seeing NG in a month is definitely helping.
Then he came out with the truth. He thought I was lying about having conjunctavitis. And said he had gotten it so that I would let him see me. Huh? So I tried again to explain how I got it, when I had it, and how freaking contagious it is. It makes me so very glad that I gave him the boot. What an idiot. and I wash my hands of him completely. And I am so very happy that I did.
Part of it was annoyance. I had been really ill with Bronchitis and then Pink-eye. Being that conjunctavitis is so contagious I was basically stuck in my apartment until I was almost done with the anti-biotics. I told him this three times. I talked to him once to tell him "look I'm still sick, why are you calling so much?" again when he called to see if I was going out "no you moron I've got a contagious bacterial whatsit." and then in text message when he again asked me if I was going out. I was beginning to wonder if he knew what the hell "contagious" means.
Then I got a voicemail - I think I might have pink-eye because my eyelid is itchy. And then a card outside my apartment saying the same thing "my eyelid is swollen and getting color. I think you gave me the pink-eye, but it was worth it." I was pretty pissed. I got pink-eye from the bronchitis infection after I saw him when he came over unannouced the first time. Not to mention none of those are symptoms of conjunctavitis. So I texted him back - "if you think you have it, go to the Dr. right away. but I didn't have it when I saw you last, you didn't get it from me."
He finally called today and I was still pissed enough that I thought, this is it. Give him the boot. So I called him. Told him I was getting better and when he asked when he could see me I said we'd be better off friends seeing each other out sometimes than actually dating. I gave some other rigamarol about him being sweet (ack!) and I appreciated his concern while I was sick (Blech!) but that it made me realize that he cared much more about me than I do about him. I told him round-aboutly that I still had feelings for someone else. Althogh, not seeing NG in a month is definitely helping.
Then he came out with the truth. He thought I was lying about having conjunctavitis. And said he had gotten it so that I would let him see me. Huh? So I tried again to explain how I got it, when I had it, and how freaking contagious it is. It makes me so very glad that I gave him the boot. What an idiot. and I wash my hands of him completely. And I am so very happy that I did.
Monday, March 10, 2008
This is ridiculous
I can't stop thinking about NG.
I keep going over and over different senarios in my brain about how he might approach getting back together with me, the different excuses he could use for breaking up with me to begin with.
I remember doing this with the XX. But we had been together for over a year. This was a month. A Month!! Granted I had been wanting him to ask me out for two weeks prior to him doing so. And I knew with in the first conversation that he and I had that I wanted to go out with him.
I just don't know how to deal with the fact that it's been a month and we went out a month, and I'm still not over him.
It's ridiculous and I can't make my self stop.
I keep going over and over different senarios in my brain about how he might approach getting back together with me, the different excuses he could use for breaking up with me to begin with.
I remember doing this with the XX. But we had been together for over a year. This was a month. A Month!! Granted I had been wanting him to ask me out for two weeks prior to him doing so. And I knew with in the first conversation that he and I had that I wanted to go out with him.
I just don't know how to deal with the fact that it's been a month and we went out a month, and I'm still not over him.
It's ridiculous and I can't make my self stop.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
I'm afraid to leave my building
So, it's a been a week since my ill-advised car sex with R. I never really thought he'd keep up the "we should go out pretense" and in truth he only half has. But still I'm getting at least one, sometimes three calls and texts a day. His texts are mostly "Hi, where are you." As if I'm going to text back "AT home, alone, and naked big boy." At least J put in a few pleasantries before asking if I was at home and could he come over.
I tried to put R off with the whole "I'm busy" thing. I went out with SOG on the Saturday after and with girl friends on the Sunday after. Monday He texted me just as I was walking into my apartment building. It seriously creeped me out that he might be around. Thankfully right after the "Hi" text I got a "where are you." I lied and said the library working on a job application. Hoping he would take the hint and not bother me, but no such luck he asked what I was doing on Tuesday. I said I was going to dance lessons. The weather didn't allow me to go, and I just didn't bother picking up when he called at 9 that night. On Wednesday I finally picked up the phone and told him I wasn't feeling well and was gonna stay home, that yes, my roommate was in. That was the truth (not the staying in part - although turned out to be true) the university we live near and my roomy works at was closed with the snow so she couldn't go anywhere and I wasn't gonna dig my car out. I should never have told him that I was sick - apparently I was ill when we had our first of three phone conversations back in November. So an hour and half after I hang up with him he calls again. I don't pick up, five minutes later he calls again, and three minutes after that. My roommate says, in 11 minutes he's called three times which means he's outside trying to get ahold of you. I didn't believe her until phone call four comes and he leaves a message.
"I thought you were at home, your car is in front of your building. I brought something for you. I left it outside your door." Now he doesn't know which apartment is mine and you have to get through a locked door, but he does know my building because he watched me walk in. So I waited another ten minutes hoping he'd left and call him. Tell him sorry I was taking a hot shower hoping to feel better and I'd go look for the bag now. Only I couldn't find it and went all the way outside looking for it. Bad move - it was inside the first un-locked door, but blended with the bagged newspapers that I hadn't seen it - and he was still driving around waiting for me to call so he comes around the corner as I'm looking outside.
I said hi, thanked him for the package (hat, mittens, herbal tea) and told him that I had to get back before my roommate got worried - I didn't lock the door behind me and said I'd be two minutes. He asked me which apartment was mine, I told him - I don't want him knocking on someone elses door thinking it's mine - but said that our buzzer didn't work and the only way to know if someone was here was phone call. And I explained the locked door to the apartments and that it was just a hallway there so that's why nobody heard him knocking. Then I left.
Turns out I did get sick that night. A really bad sore throat, aches, pains, and lots of mucus. Karma I'm sure. So Thursday I turned my phone off and got two messages and two texts both of which said "where are you." Thursday is my normal night out, I had been too sick when I got back from chicago to go, then I was avoiding NG for a week. I was actually looking forward to going back this week. For the dancing and for a strange jones to see NG. I know he's not gonna sponaneously want to date me again (as much as I wish that would happen, and fantasize about that happening) but I really miss him.
Today I texted R saying I got his messages and voicemails, but was sick and sleeping all day (not a lie) and that I was gonna be in all weekend. I left it with "talk to you when I'm better." I didn't hear from him all day. I thought, cool he got the hint this time! I had my phone on because my roomy was gonna call me to bring me food after work, but she never did. Which means I had my phone on when R did call at 7pm. He hadn't gotten the hint after all. I don't even remember what he said and then deleted it.
I'm sure he's not heartbroken and is gonna mack on some other girl this weekend - which is fine with me. I just wish I could get him off my back. I wish I could go back in time and leave that club when I meant to last week so I never would have danced with him in the first place, or said "what the fuck you followed me home after I told you not too? hell no I'm not getting in your car" and then gone in my house.
I'm gonna have to get rid of him soon. I'm moving in three weeks and I don't want him to offer to help. A week after that is my birthday day and I don't want him at the parties. I don't want to go on a date with him. Although, I am tempted to suck it up and go out with him once. I figure either we'll go on a real date and I can say "look it was fun, but I don't think we connected sorry I don't want date number 2." Or, he'll just want to have sex and I can say "hey, I thought we were really gonna date, I don't want casual sex I don't want to see you again." Because really I don't want to be another fuck buddy, and I don't like this guy for more than that.
Then there's always the white lie. So sorry, I ended up talking to my ex while I was laid up sick and it reminded me that I still have feelings for him. I just can't see you when I know I'd be thinking about him. If I have any chance of working it out with him I have to try. Except that is more of an out and out lie than a white lie. Because sure I have feelings for NG but he doesn't want to get back with me, and we haven't talked in about 3 weeks.
I wish girls could do the "fade away" that guys do so well.
I tried to put R off with the whole "I'm busy" thing. I went out with SOG on the Saturday after and with girl friends on the Sunday after. Monday He texted me just as I was walking into my apartment building. It seriously creeped me out that he might be around. Thankfully right after the "Hi" text I got a "where are you." I lied and said the library working on a job application. Hoping he would take the hint and not bother me, but no such luck he asked what I was doing on Tuesday. I said I was going to dance lessons. The weather didn't allow me to go, and I just didn't bother picking up when he called at 9 that night. On Wednesday I finally picked up the phone and told him I wasn't feeling well and was gonna stay home, that yes, my roommate was in. That was the truth (not the staying in part - although turned out to be true) the university we live near and my roomy works at was closed with the snow so she couldn't go anywhere and I wasn't gonna dig my car out. I should never have told him that I was sick - apparently I was ill when we had our first of three phone conversations back in November. So an hour and half after I hang up with him he calls again. I don't pick up, five minutes later he calls again, and three minutes after that. My roommate says, in 11 minutes he's called three times which means he's outside trying to get ahold of you. I didn't believe her until phone call four comes and he leaves a message.
"I thought you were at home, your car is in front of your building. I brought something for you. I left it outside your door." Now he doesn't know which apartment is mine and you have to get through a locked door, but he does know my building because he watched me walk in. So I waited another ten minutes hoping he'd left and call him. Tell him sorry I was taking a hot shower hoping to feel better and I'd go look for the bag now. Only I couldn't find it and went all the way outside looking for it. Bad move - it was inside the first un-locked door, but blended with the bagged newspapers that I hadn't seen it - and he was still driving around waiting for me to call so he comes around the corner as I'm looking outside.
I said hi, thanked him for the package (hat, mittens, herbal tea) and told him that I had to get back before my roommate got worried - I didn't lock the door behind me and said I'd be two minutes. He asked me which apartment was mine, I told him - I don't want him knocking on someone elses door thinking it's mine - but said that our buzzer didn't work and the only way to know if someone was here was phone call. And I explained the locked door to the apartments and that it was just a hallway there so that's why nobody heard him knocking. Then I left.
Turns out I did get sick that night. A really bad sore throat, aches, pains, and lots of mucus. Karma I'm sure. So Thursday I turned my phone off and got two messages and two texts both of which said "where are you." Thursday is my normal night out, I had been too sick when I got back from chicago to go, then I was avoiding NG for a week. I was actually looking forward to going back this week. For the dancing and for a strange jones to see NG. I know he's not gonna sponaneously want to date me again (as much as I wish that would happen, and fantasize about that happening) but I really miss him.
Today I texted R saying I got his messages and voicemails, but was sick and sleeping all day (not a lie) and that I was gonna be in all weekend. I left it with "talk to you when I'm better." I didn't hear from him all day. I thought, cool he got the hint this time! I had my phone on because my roomy was gonna call me to bring me food after work, but she never did. Which means I had my phone on when R did call at 7pm. He hadn't gotten the hint after all. I don't even remember what he said and then deleted it.
I'm sure he's not heartbroken and is gonna mack on some other girl this weekend - which is fine with me. I just wish I could get him off my back. I wish I could go back in time and leave that club when I meant to last week so I never would have danced with him in the first place, or said "what the fuck you followed me home after I told you not too? hell no I'm not getting in your car" and then gone in my house.
I'm gonna have to get rid of him soon. I'm moving in three weeks and I don't want him to offer to help. A week after that is my birthday day and I don't want him at the parties. I don't want to go on a date with him. Although, I am tempted to suck it up and go out with him once. I figure either we'll go on a real date and I can say "look it was fun, but I don't think we connected sorry I don't want date number 2." Or, he'll just want to have sex and I can say "hey, I thought we were really gonna date, I don't want casual sex I don't want to see you again." Because really I don't want to be another fuck buddy, and I don't like this guy for more than that.
Then there's always the white lie. So sorry, I ended up talking to my ex while I was laid up sick and it reminded me that I still have feelings for him. I just can't see you when I know I'd be thinking about him. If I have any chance of working it out with him I have to try. Except that is more of an out and out lie than a white lie. Because sure I have feelings for NG but he doesn't want to get back with me, and we haven't talked in about 3 weeks.
I wish girls could do the "fade away" that guys do so well.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
What is it about me
that screams "sure, I'll have sex with you in the back of your car even though we've never dated and you just kissed me for the first time on the dance floor tonight."
Cuz I've got another one. I kind of thought that J had the market cornered on this particular sleazy behavior, but it turns out I was wrong.
I went to a new club tonight. SOG and his girlfriend were going, I had it on his authority that other people ("everyone I've talked to") were going to be there. It turned out that there were a good number of people I knew, but the music was only so-so and the dancefloor so tiny that I didn't get much dancing in. After 2 hours I was ready to give up. I was getting ready to go when I was asked to dance by R. He had asked for my phone number back in the fall and then took 2 months to call me. He called me on thanksgiving and christmas. I was supposed to go out for coffee with him one day and forgot about it, making plans to practice with SOG instead. He was also at the NYE party that I went to. He stood right next to me as we counted down midnight and didn't even kiss me. At that point I gave up on him. I figured he just wasn't interested. And with the enterance of NG I was okay with that.
I was really hoping that NG would be at this place tonight. It's close enough to where he lives and near where he first took me out, I thought he'd go. It's stupid, since I've been avoiding the other club I know he goes to, but I just felt like something would happen with us if he was there.
I was wrong. He didn't show up and instead, R asks me to dance right as I'm thinking of leaving. It was a total booty-shaking, bump-and-grind kind of song, but I danced with him anyway. He bought me flowers from some lading selling them on the floor (I'm pretty sure he's the only one who did, since I didn't see any other girls with them). I figured he was probably drunk. He ended up kissing me on the dance floor, and then buying me a drink. We just sat on a couch periodically kissing for the next 1/2 hour until the place closed.
He walked me to my car, and then asked if he should follow me home. I said, no that was okay. I scraped my car, changed my shoes, and left the parking lot. It wasn't until I was two lights from home that I realized that somebody was following me. It totally creeped me out - even when he stepped out of the car and it was R. I told him that he shouldn't have come, and that he couldn't come in because I have a roommate. So he suggests that we say goodbye in his car where it's warm.
That's when the sex commenced. It was the weirdest thing it went from making out to oral sex so fast, I couldn't believe it. My suspisions that he was drunk were pretty much confirmed when he was really soft and couldn't do finish the deed.
I dated NG for a month and we never got that far. Probably because I actually like/ care about him and wanted us to be in a relationship. Sadly I think R is going to end up just like J (with the exception of me having feelings for him and making an ass out of myself because of it). I'll probably sleep with him a bit, but I still wish I was with NG.
Cuz I've got another one. I kind of thought that J had the market cornered on this particular sleazy behavior, but it turns out I was wrong.
I went to a new club tonight. SOG and his girlfriend were going, I had it on his authority that other people ("everyone I've talked to") were going to be there. It turned out that there were a good number of people I knew, but the music was only so-so and the dancefloor so tiny that I didn't get much dancing in. After 2 hours I was ready to give up. I was getting ready to go when I was asked to dance by R. He had asked for my phone number back in the fall and then took 2 months to call me. He called me on thanksgiving and christmas. I was supposed to go out for coffee with him one day and forgot about it, making plans to practice with SOG instead. He was also at the NYE party that I went to. He stood right next to me as we counted down midnight and didn't even kiss me. At that point I gave up on him. I figured he just wasn't interested. And with the enterance of NG I was okay with that.
I was really hoping that NG would be at this place tonight. It's close enough to where he lives and near where he first took me out, I thought he'd go. It's stupid, since I've been avoiding the other club I know he goes to, but I just felt like something would happen with us if he was there.
I was wrong. He didn't show up and instead, R asks me to dance right as I'm thinking of leaving. It was a total booty-shaking, bump-and-grind kind of song, but I danced with him anyway. He bought me flowers from some lading selling them on the floor (I'm pretty sure he's the only one who did, since I didn't see any other girls with them). I figured he was probably drunk. He ended up kissing me on the dance floor, and then buying me a drink. We just sat on a couch periodically kissing for the next 1/2 hour until the place closed.
He walked me to my car, and then asked if he should follow me home. I said, no that was okay. I scraped my car, changed my shoes, and left the parking lot. It wasn't until I was two lights from home that I realized that somebody was following me. It totally creeped me out - even when he stepped out of the car and it was R. I told him that he shouldn't have come, and that he couldn't come in because I have a roommate. So he suggests that we say goodbye in his car where it's warm.
That's when the sex commenced. It was the weirdest thing it went from making out to oral sex so fast, I couldn't believe it. My suspisions that he was drunk were pretty much confirmed when he was really soft and couldn't do finish the deed.
I dated NG for a month and we never got that far. Probably because I actually like/ care about him and wanted us to be in a relationship. Sadly I think R is going to end up just like J (with the exception of me having feelings for him and making an ass out of myself because of it). I'll probably sleep with him a bit, but I still wish I was with NG.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
