Last week was the week from hell. I realize I have neglected this blog for a year, but I really need somewhere to vent.
Let's begin with:
My Orange Kitty was in the animal hospital last week. He was taking antibiotics for a UTI and getting over an upper respiratory infection he began vomiting on Halloween night. The vet said, no more antibiotics it's upsetting his tummy. But it didn't stop. So I took him in and had to leave him there. It turned out that he had swallowed a needle and thread. Probably while I was working on my Halloween costume. Which makes me, like, the worst pet parent ever.
So, I ended up missing a bunch of work to take him to the vet, visit him after surgery, and keep an eye on him the day after he got home - not that that mattered because 12 hours after he was home he was vomiting again. Because this time he'd eaten a piece of paper towel. I told my mother that I wanted to make him a cozy little room in the bathroom where he wouldn't be getting into things, he wouldn't be jumping or wrestling the other cats. And she said no. Why? Because she didn't want him to be alone? No. Because she didn't want him messing up the bathroom doors if he got upset and tried to get out. Which was the reason he couldn't be quarantined in any room. Because that's what's important. Her doors. So instead, he was allowed to wander the house and eat a random piece of paper towel.
Next on the list is:
Fighting with my boyfriend. He's unhappy with me, because I'm pissed at him, because he's going to Africa. With his friends. For a month. And I'm not invited. Originally the trip was just supposed to be a guys trip climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro. Not too upset that I didn't get asked along on that. Then it turned into going on a month long with his one buddy starting in Egypt and picking up the guys for Kilimanjaro, but wow, it's ending with a 4 day safari. And now I am officially pissed. Because A) when he travels with me he's all like "3 weeks is a long vacation. I don't understand how people travel for months and months," but now he's going for a whole month with a friend and B) a freaking safari! I'm the one who planned our day safaris in India and I didn't even get to see a freakin' tiger up close. I've been wanting to do an African safari since 2001. Before we took those two mega vacations this past year, I was thinking I would as a graduation present put some money toward a safari for both of us. And now what's the freaking point? So we can go at some later date and he can tell me how it's not as good as the one he went on before. Because that's what he did to me in India. At the Taj Mahal, which was the one thing I had to see in India, and he says it's not as impressive as St. Peter's cathedral (which I've never been to btw).
The BF and I are classic examples of opposites attract. Because if our positions were reversed and I was doing this trip with out him. He'd be fine with it. He actually told me to plan a trip with girlfriends if I wanted to. But I'm the type of person who says, "oh, I can't do that with out the BF." or "I'll have to check if the BF wants to do that first." The sad thing is I take it hugely personal when he doesn't think this way. I take it as another sign of his commitment-phobia. Here I am planning on moving to another state with him when he takes a job and he can't even stop to think that maybe going to see the last Harry Potter movie without me might make me a little angry. Or hell, call and ask if I'd mind. I love him and I don't want to break up with him. I know he loves me and doesn't want to break up with me. But I honestly don't know how many more times I can have this same conversation with him. I can't tell if it is literally his personality, if it's his unconscious attempts at holding onto "single-dom" from his fear of commitment (aka marriage); or if it's me and this relationship - like maybe I'm not "the one" for him and he'd be more conscientious to another girl.
I am supposed to go out to dinner with a girlfriend tonight. And I just don't want to talk to her about this. But other than my cat it's the only thing I can think about. The BF is supposed to help me with resume stuff afterward too. I asked him to help me apply for an internship. It was after our discussion (from which we came to no conclusion). The deadline is the day after his deadline to pick a job offer. And I just decided I can't wait for him to do that. Even if he picks one in the same city, that's only 24 hours to get my application in. I haven't explained to him yet, but I really think I need to start looking for work I don't hate in places that aren't just where he's got job offers. I know we won't do a long distance relationship. But I'm starting to feel depression creep up on me again, and I don't know what else to do about it.