Well, I didn't get the job I wanted. After two weeks of waiting I got the official No. Even though I was at the top of their list, I got rejected for not having direct experience. So what was the point? Two and a half months of effort and waiting and hoping for this to come through. When the whole time they knew I didn't have direct experience.
And I'm pissed off about my current job. I wish I had listened to my gut a year ago and not taken this job. Because now I'm left with nothing.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Stalker boy
I was afraid that he would, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, unfortunately he didn't deserve it. M showed up to one of my dance classes last night. I knew he had taken the class before but hadn't been there in months because that was the night he has his daughter over.
I had a sneaking suspicion and I was gonna skip class, but I really needed to practice my team routine. Knowing I haven't been motivated to practice at home, I was going to make use of the time before and after class to work on it. I should have just done it at home - I didn't get as much practice as I wanted in, because he showed up early and started talking to me. Asking when he could see me again, reminding me that he promised me a better time next time, and mentioning that he was going to come to our team's dress rehersal this week. Apparently SOG has been inviting him to them so that we have an audience but that he hasn't taken him up on the offer. So why is he doing it now? He didn't say, but I can guess.
I told him repeatedly that it would weird me out / psych me out if he was there and that I wish he wouldn't come. That is of course SOG's point in getting us used to an audience. But it's not the same when the guy who is the audience wants you and you're not wanting him.
To top it off, I didn't get to practice after class either. Usually while my dance instructor is giving a private lesson I use the other side of the studio to practice. There is usually nobody else there. Last night though everyone was hanging around talking, practicing for a show etc. I ended up talking to this other guy. I've had my eye on him for awhile he reminds me a bit of J in looks - but is actually nice. We talked for maybe half an hour. He definitely has a girlfriend, which made me back off for a bit, but lately I've seen him watching me even when he's with her. Not that I'm going to go trying to break him up or anything, but there's no harm in being very friendly just in case.
As for M - I think that I'm turning into the J of this scenario. My only plan at this point is to use him for sex for a few months while letting it naturally kind of fade away. Of course, I think I should actually tell him that I am not interested in a romantic relationship. That way when it doesn't last or develope into something more he can't say he wasn't warned.
I had a sneaking suspicion and I was gonna skip class, but I really needed to practice my team routine. Knowing I haven't been motivated to practice at home, I was going to make use of the time before and after class to work on it. I should have just done it at home - I didn't get as much practice as I wanted in, because he showed up early and started talking to me. Asking when he could see me again, reminding me that he promised me a better time next time, and mentioning that he was going to come to our team's dress rehersal this week. Apparently SOG has been inviting him to them so that we have an audience but that he hasn't taken him up on the offer. So why is he doing it now? He didn't say, but I can guess.
I told him repeatedly that it would weird me out / psych me out if he was there and that I wish he wouldn't come. That is of course SOG's point in getting us used to an audience. But it's not the same when the guy who is the audience wants you and you're not wanting him.
To top it off, I didn't get to practice after class either. Usually while my dance instructor is giving a private lesson I use the other side of the studio to practice. There is usually nobody else there. Last night though everyone was hanging around talking, practicing for a show etc. I ended up talking to this other guy. I've had my eye on him for awhile he reminds me a bit of J in looks - but is actually nice. We talked for maybe half an hour. He definitely has a girlfriend, which made me back off for a bit, but lately I've seen him watching me even when he's with her. Not that I'm going to go trying to break him up or anything, but there's no harm in being very friendly just in case.
As for M - I think that I'm turning into the J of this scenario. My only plan at this point is to use him for sex for a few months while letting it naturally kind of fade away. Of course, I think I should actually tell him that I am not interested in a romantic relationship. That way when it doesn't last or develope into something more he can't say he wasn't warned.
Monday, November 12, 2007
That was a bad idea.
Why is it that even as I'm thinking "this is such a bad idea" I continuing to do what ever it is that I think I shouldn't be doing?
One of the guys I dance with at the different clubs and who is frequently in classes and workshops that I take invited me over about a month ago to work on some dance moves. He also works with SOG and I have helped him out in his lessons there. On Friday he invited me out for the weekend. I figured we'd have dinner and go somewhere to dance.
Instead he made dinner for me (it wasn't very good) and said he wasn't really interested in going out dancing as he'd been in workshops all day (not ones that I attended). So instead he went through a few dance moves and then kissed me. Well, talked about my lips alot and then kissed me.
This guy is too old for me. Not in the age number sense, but in the divorced with a teenage daughter sense. And while I knew he liked me I never really expected him to try anything so I figured I was safe in being nice to him. And I figured if got anywhere near official dating territory that I'd give the whole I'm really flattered but I feel too young for you or some other equally phony excuse.
Well so much for that plan. Because then we're making out on the couch. All is fine. He's not a great kisser, but passable and then he starts going for the nipples. I do not understand what it is about me that when I'm making out with a guy for the first time that he thinks okay, it's time to go for it. Seriously - shouldn't that be second or third date territory? The whole time I'm thinking "why me?" and "I really shouldn't be doing this." The next thing I know shirts are off and he's carrying me to his bedroom.
I wish I could blame the two glasses of wine and the shot of tequila for my very bad judgement. But the truth is I've been through a dry spell since the X left town and J seems to be done with me and I let my body take over.
I have this problem with saying what I feel and mean when I mean and feel it. I did that to K. As soon as I was sure I wasn't interested in dating him. That was bad enough and he still gives me the "I miss you" treatment and sad puppy dog eyes when I run into him. Now here is this guy (M) I am not interested in a relationship with him but I ended up sleeping with him on the second pseudo date. It wasn't even that great. But to be fair I can't imagine any first time being as good as the first time with J. And maybe that has a lot to do with it too.
I had a bad dance team practice and I have gotten a left over dress to wear after all the other girls (some of the ones that joined after I did) chose theirs. It is not what I would have picked, and it is not as flattering as the one I had been wearing, but the Alpha Girl (friend of BMG and she's been on the team longest) decided she wanted that one. I find the whole thing completely unfair. I work on the nights that they have practice and because I wasn't there last week I get stuck with the dress no one else wants. I can't even tell why my dress was given to AG. She already had a smokin' hot dress to wear. The one I'm stuck with shows off the top of my thighs which I hate and gives me no waist because it's a box. It has an ugly neckline and I'll have to wear my hair up to give me some semblince of a neck at all.
Coming from that practice and feeling like crap about it, and comparing M to J while we're making out. I think led to very bad decision making. And now I'm stuck back peddling (yet again) to figure out how to not end up this guy's girlfriend.
One of the guys I dance with at the different clubs and who is frequently in classes and workshops that I take invited me over about a month ago to work on some dance moves. He also works with SOG and I have helped him out in his lessons there. On Friday he invited me out for the weekend. I figured we'd have dinner and go somewhere to dance.
Instead he made dinner for me (it wasn't very good) and said he wasn't really interested in going out dancing as he'd been in workshops all day (not ones that I attended). So instead he went through a few dance moves and then kissed me. Well, talked about my lips alot and then kissed me.
This guy is too old for me. Not in the age number sense, but in the divorced with a teenage daughter sense. And while I knew he liked me I never really expected him to try anything so I figured I was safe in being nice to him. And I figured if got anywhere near official dating territory that I'd give the whole I'm really flattered but I feel too young for you or some other equally phony excuse.
Well so much for that plan. Because then we're making out on the couch. All is fine. He's not a great kisser, but passable and then he starts going for the nipples. I do not understand what it is about me that when I'm making out with a guy for the first time that he thinks okay, it's time to go for it. Seriously - shouldn't that be second or third date territory? The whole time I'm thinking "why me?" and "I really shouldn't be doing this." The next thing I know shirts are off and he's carrying me to his bedroom.
I wish I could blame the two glasses of wine and the shot of tequila for my very bad judgement. But the truth is I've been through a dry spell since the X left town and J seems to be done with me and I let my body take over.
I have this problem with saying what I feel and mean when I mean and feel it. I did that to K. As soon as I was sure I wasn't interested in dating him. That was bad enough and he still gives me the "I miss you" treatment and sad puppy dog eyes when I run into him. Now here is this guy (M) I am not interested in a relationship with him but I ended up sleeping with him on the second pseudo date. It wasn't even that great. But to be fair I can't imagine any first time being as good as the first time with J. And maybe that has a lot to do with it too.
I had a bad dance team practice and I have gotten a left over dress to wear after all the other girls (some of the ones that joined after I did) chose theirs. It is not what I would have picked, and it is not as flattering as the one I had been wearing, but the Alpha Girl (friend of BMG and she's been on the team longest) decided she wanted that one. I find the whole thing completely unfair. I work on the nights that they have practice and because I wasn't there last week I get stuck with the dress no one else wants. I can't even tell why my dress was given to AG. She already had a smokin' hot dress to wear. The one I'm stuck with shows off the top of my thighs which I hate and gives me no waist because it's a box. It has an ugly neckline and I'll have to wear my hair up to give me some semblince of a neck at all.
Coming from that practice and feeling like crap about it, and comparing M to J while we're making out. I think led to very bad decision making. And now I'm stuck back peddling (yet again) to figure out how to not end up this guy's girlfriend.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Wow - that's low
My department head is on the phone setting up an interview for my job right now.
I haven't even handed her a letter yet. WTF?
People suck.
I'm glad I'm leaving. But I wish I had never told them I was going to. I wish I could have left them scrambling for awhile first.
I haven't even handed her a letter yet. WTF?
People suck.
I'm glad I'm leaving. But I wish I had never told them I was going to. I wish I could have left them scrambling for awhile first.
Wow, and I thought she was the good one
I was told to write my letter of resignation today.
I had met with my department head before and I let her know that I was interviewing for jobs. I knew that my end of probation review was coming up around Thanksgiving, I just couldn't test out whether I'd be fired or not. In meeting with her then I was basically told that her review of me would be lukewarm - not good enough for me to keep my job.
Today she comes up asks me how the job hunt is going and to get a letter ready. She even pulled out a schedule to find out when would be the best time for me to say is my last day.
I really hate people soemtimes
I had met with my department head before and I let her know that I was interviewing for jobs. I knew that my end of probation review was coming up around Thanksgiving, I just couldn't test out whether I'd be fired or not. In meeting with her then I was basically told that her review of me would be lukewarm - not good enough for me to keep my job.
Today she comes up asks me how the job hunt is going and to get a letter ready. She even pulled out a schedule to find out when would be the best time for me to say is my last day.
I really hate people soemtimes
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