Not very Manic Monday

Last night I asked the X to a movie. We ended up having dinner too. But I was whatever the female equivalent of being a gentleman is and I left him at his door. I'm not trying to make him think something is going to happen with us. I just like his company. We get to talk about things and not about me. Not about how sad I am or about J. We talked about global warming, the movie Children of Men, and how the Mayan calendar which has been eerily correct about things predicts a "change" to the world (not and end) in December of 2012 (the year on Clive Owen's sweatshirt through out much of the movie CoM). We touched on the tradedy of the day (some people are putting videos on-line taken with thier camera phones of the shooter), but it would have caused tears from both of us - two of my brothers have been in close proximity to public shootings in the last two months.

The X and I were driving to dinner. He was playing some hilarious songs by this guy
Jonathan Coulton. I was having a good time and J popped into my head. It was this weird moment where I thought, "Yeah, I'm totally fine." I started thinking of him like I used to but without the desperation of needing him. I considered actually going to this dance in a week. I thought of how normal I could be when I finally do run into him.

That passed. Not to say that I'm back in my sobbing my eyes out mode. I'm not. But I'm getting better. I just didn't realize that I'd be in the process of moving on so quickly. I don't know why I'm so suprised. We didn't know each other that well really.

I had a great workout this morning. I broke my running (jogging) record. I made it for 25 minutes, my previous best being a 20 minute jog. I thought about J because this is the last week of classes at the gym until early May. After that I won't have to be in hyper-avoidance mode. I am still skipping this month's dance. I skipped class last night too. That's why I invited the X to a movie (yeah I called him) so that I could skip it and not be at home thinking about how I skipped it. I am taking the rest of April off from dancing. In May I'm going to go back to taking ballet. Maybe in May I'll decide to go back to the studio and the dances too.