God I cried for like two hours last night. I look horrible this morning. It's just hard to come to terms with the fact that J really doesn't give a shit about me. Not at all.
When I finally got to bed I continued to think about what I could say to him. God, I really want to get my frustration, my disillusionment, my disapointment, my contempt for him off my chest.
I imagined going to his club a few fridays from now and saying:
This past summer, I met a great a guy. He was so nice, smiling, laughing, flirting with me. He called me when he said he would and he actually had full conversations that didn't involve setting up a date for sex. I was attracted to him more than anyone else I've ever met. I guess I made the mistake of acting on it and sleeping with him. Because that great, nice guy I knew is gone. Now I'm left with this player who thinks its okay to flirt with other girls right in front me, pick up other girls right next me, ignore me for weeks, and still expect me to spread my legs when he's horny. I liked the old J I knew this summer. I don't know who you are, but if he ever comes back, let me know, because I don't like this new J who lacks so much respect and consideration for someone who tried to be their friend. I am not attracted to this J who acts like such a player, and I certainly am not going to sleep with him again.
Got it felt so good to come up with that. It's not yelling and it's not angry it's just a statement of how I feel.
I was able to get to sleep after that. Who knows if I'll get a chance to use it or not.
I've come up with a few additions, addendums, edits of that general idea since then as well, but the gist is all the same. In one version I say that I deserve better than him, kiss him on the lips (in full public view) and say goodbye before turning around and walking out. Another version, I make the consession that I realize I'm not his girlfriend, but even friends with benefits have to act like friends and I don't get that much consideration from him.
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