The disillusionment continues - Cold Turkey- Day 2

Wow. I stuck to my guns. I can't believe it!!!

All day I was miserable and mopey and on the verge of tears. I left work early and continued the debate with myself on whether to go to J's class or not. I woke thinking I'm going to go. If nothing else than to make him feel bad. And so that I wouldn't be that girl "playing the game." I tried to convince myself that I would say something snearing like "I notice you made a new friend on Sunday." And if he mentions something about me being jealous I'd respond with "Should I be? Did you fuck her in the back of your car too?"

But I'm a coward. A chicken. I'm too scared to upset him. I learned from the best example in the world (my mother) on how how to be passive agressive. (I'm having it reinforced through my working environment now too!)

I was really going to go.

But I just kept remembering J and that girl on Sunday. How much he danced with her, how he was walking off with her, the fact that she asked him as they stood behind me "do you want my email too?" - if you're trolling for students, you give them your card, not the other way around. I think about the way that he danced with her - I looked over at one point before I really gave in the ghost that night and they were forehead to forehead and his hand was on her neck. That's the move you make before kissing someone. I just keep that image before my eyes and it's easy to walk away from J.

So instead I went home did my dishes, got my yoga mat, and went to a different class that started after his. I was almost afraid that I would run into him in my parking lot, but didn't. As luck would have it though, I was waiting outside for my class to open up and who comes out of his room next door on the phone. I just caught a glimpse of him before I turned my head. He must have seen me there with my yoga mat in hand waiting to go to not-his-class. When I loooked back again his back was to me and then my classroom was open so I went in.

It actually felt pretty wonderful. I feel bad because I'm friends with his assistant and I know she'll wonder where I was. What do I tell her? Sorry, I'm avoiding J for all it's worth because he fucks me but doesn't really give a fuck about me.

He also hasn't emailed back from the one I sent 2 weeks ago or the one I sent yesterday morning. At somepoint I will have to call him and ask him to confirm or cancel with me on that. This is my job after all, that he's jerking around with.

I have slightly more sympathy for the XX now. The whole you should stay and hang out with me even though I don't want you sinario pretty much sucks. Which is why I'm not going to do it.

I'm wondering how long before J calls me for a get together. I'm going to guess 3 weeks, maybe even four. If it's more than that I will know that it's all over.