Regarding L...

(I figured I 'd put this here for everyone instead of buried in the comments section, but there are some responces by me if you left one.)

I know that "he's obviously gay" is a bit of an over reach. And is just an overreaction to the fact that he's not trying to jump my bones. The baser parts of my brain (and the vain ones) just keep saying "but how do you know he likes you if he doesn't show it physically?" On the otherhand I remember the first time we went out I had this weird feeling just by his actions, certain comments he's made about homophobia, and the now cuddle fixation.

So rather than just react with the childish foot stamp and tantrum I'm going to try to disect what bothers me about L.

He says he's not religious so I don't think that's his reason for abstaining. He's had bad relationships in the past and as recently as 6 months ago. So I can imagine that's why we're in the just friends realm. I am fine with that. I'm not even so attracted to him that I want him to try to jump me. I'd end up saying no anyway. One sexual partner is enough for me. Besides which I like J and if I don't want him sleeping with someone else why would I do it? (It's the whole golden rule thing: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.)

What bugs me about L is the mixed messages. On the one hand he'll freak me and dry hump on a dance floor; he'll tell me that I turn him on so much, he'll tell me that I'm beautiful, that I'm hot, that I'm attractive and he's attracted to me; he wants back massages and he wants to cuddle on his couch. But he doesn't hold my hand in public. He's never even kissed me on the cheek, much less the lips. If he doesn't want to sleep with me, but he's attracted to me why not even kissing? And if he's really so deep into this "I'm not dating right now" thing of his, why tell me he's attracted to me and be even this physical? That's just mean and sending me the wrong signals. I am still under the assumption that we are not dating. I can date and not have sex with someone, but still be intimate with hugs, kissing, and cuddling. But I don't cuddle with guy friends of mine. Maybe we're just on different wave lengths when it comes to appropriate touching.

Thinking back on the party we were at where all the super-flirtation happened I am wondering if it wasn't more of "marking his territory" action than a display of true feelings. A) he'd been drinking a little, but not so much that he was drunk; B) the friend L brought is a real player and I saw him go off with two different girls that nigt; C) he commented on how all his lesbian friends would try to get into my pants if I wasn't careful; D) he used the word "mine" in reference to me on more than one occasion. All of this leads me to believe that even though he may not be ready to date me he didn't want anyone else hooking up with me either.

It's weird because I know that if I did bother telling my real life friends this shit they'd think L was wonderful and J a dick head. At least J is upfront about what he wants; L is so schitzophrenic about it that I actually think the truth is closer to being the other way around.