Those are good lyrics and I'm keeping them in mind.
As predicted J did not come over and as of yet I don't have an excusitory message on my phone either. I don't think I'm going to get one. His laundry list of things to do that he gave me on Friday told me he wasn't showing up. But still. Some mention that he's not going to would be nice....why am I expecting anything out of him when all the clues are given that I'm not going to get anything.
Today the pictures from the dance a week ago Sunday were put online. It's a funny little graphic representation of my evening.
- Me dancing during the lesson having fun.
- J dancing with someone I don't recognize- It looks like he's trying to teach her something.
- Sunday Girl I Hate dancing with someone I don't recognize - her hair is whipping around her, a huge smile on her face because she's laughing, her eyes squinched shut. She's having a good time even though I would at first glance think she's 15 years old.
- Me Standing in the background. Standing by myself looking away and down, One hand in my pocket and one foot crosssed over the other at the ankle.
No fucking wonder J chose to dance with her. For fuck's sake. I am sure that I was morose and looking away trying not to see J somewhere else on the dancefloor. But gosh, who would you rather dance with - laughing-smiling-dancing girl or standing-in-a-corner-feeling-sorry-for-herself girl?
Anyway...I am fairly sure that I have blown it with J big time. If I had spoken up when we first started. Like the 2nd time we did it - which happens to be my favorite memory of us outside of dancing with him - maybe we could have managed to at least go out once or twice before I gave up on him.
Regardless...it's over now. I will hear from him for work and other than that I am done. No more obsessing, no more questioning. No more being at his beck and call. No more extending invites that are turned down or ignored.
No More.
2 comments:
God, I am so sorry.
Thank you.
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