Men are from Mars

I'd like some research done into the psychic tendancies of asshole men.

I was thinking about how I could no longer consider J as a part of my life. I really wanted him to be, but he just isn't. That's how things are.

He called me and left me a voicemail. I tried not to get my hopes up. I told myself that it was just him calling and telling me that he couldn't do the program in May. He was due to know by now. Obviously, not getting my hopes up is out of the question. So I listened to the voicemail as I walked to my car.

The thing about psychic jackass boys that know when you've finally given up on them is that when they do call you at that precice moment they are still only calling because they want something. In this case J wanted a reference. Some dude wants to hire J for a party and asked for references. Since I've been in J's class for so long "almost a year now, or over a year" He can't even remember! (It's been almost 11 months!) And because I asked him to do a program for me he game the dude my cell number.

I called him back. I wanted to say "have you not noticed that I haven't been in your class for more than a month?" Whatever. I said I'd do it. He said thank you that he really appreciated it. Once again I entered teenager realm and wasn't able to do more than laugh when he asked how my day was going. It wasn't even an ironic laugh that says "oh, you don't want to know." Then he said that he'd talk to me that night or the next. huh? whatsits?

Now my hopes were really high. They shouldn't be. But there you go.

I went to yoga like normal. They keep moving our classroom around so we were back in the big room where J has his class right after. He waved at me as I left. Hopes soaring that this point.

I went to cha-cha like normal. Hopes were coming down a little. But I still reserved them for the next day.

CF asked me out after class. Not in so many words. He asked me how I was after Friday. Asked if I had eaten the pancakes then said he needed to talk to me after class. Uh-oh. I thought he was going to give me a concerned friend intervention. Instead he asked if I had eaten and when I said yes, asked "oh, you don't want to get some food now?" No. I am going home to bed. Then he asked me if I wanted to go back to the same place Friday. Doh! Great timing. Take new people to J's club right when I had decided to go back to avoiding him. I said I'd be at dinner with my dad's. Too flimsy. CF said he'd call me (note he didn't ask me to call him) to see if I wanted to go after dinner with my dad.

My hopes were still high enough about J. I thought he'll want to come over at somepoint, today or tomorrow. My excuse for giving in is of course, that I have to end it on a high note. Good-bye sex being so great and all. Of course J'll jokeningly mention something about all of my admirers at the club. I'd be able to swing that round to how I always get asked out by the guys I'm not interested in while the guys I want to go out with don't ask. Which would some how lead to mentioning that I want to go out with him.

My hopes crashed and burned today at 4:30. I checked my email. Email from J saying he can't do the program in May. Ahhh, now the "I'll talk to you tonight or tomorrow" becomes clear. But in the end he must have chickened out. I'm so nice I told him that I was glad that he has the opportunity to go to such a great conference.

I bought some thongs at Target's in an effort to cheer me up. I am going to buy some dance shoes and pants this week too in preparation for lots of classes coming up this weekend. I am wondering if I am going to run into J there. I did in October.

I have this stupid fantasy that if I ignore him long enough when I do finally run into him (or in some fantasies, he walks by the pool of my building this summer where I happen to be sun bathing in the new bikini I also plan on buying myself) he tries to get it on again. Then I get to tell him look it's been too long I'm over the NSA sex. Go out with me or no go. And in the uber-delusions he's eccsatic about the prospect and we live happily ever after. - Like I said UBER-delusions.