And I'm not coming back...

The apartment sucked. "Bigger than a studio" my ass. It was small and chopped up. Not that I expect studios to be big, but at least make them open not all divided so it looks even smaller. It had 2 tiny windows that opened on the parking lot. So I give up. I'm done looking, wasting my time, when what I really want is to get out of my job and find something permanent. Which, if it goes right will take me out of this god-aweful place. The only thing keeping me here at the moment are my dance classes and if I get some courage when I move, and if I want to meet new people, I'll get off my ass and find places to dance where ever I move to. The parentals are back in 2 weeks. They'll be around for 2 months before leaving again. I think I can stand 2 months of sharing the house. But the question on my mind is what do and J and I do? Fall and winter mean less than hospitable conditions for the BSS and with no where else to go we're kind of screwed in the bad way.

I broke down and called J on Friday. I say that I have this "no calling guys" rule, but the truth is I often cave in. So Friday night on my way home from a baseball game I called him and left a message. Afterwards I felt that it sounded very desperate. Basically I said I'd be home all day doing nothing on Saturday if he was free. It also sounded like a total booty-call. He called back and said he was out of town with family and he'd call monday when they got back. Yeah, that didn't happen.

I'm beginning to wonder if I should just let this dwindle. He's calling me less and less. I'm tempted to just get the message and stop trying so hard. He's never going to be my boyfriend, so why am I bothering so much?