Work is starting to effect my health.

On Friday I was feeling shitty. It was the culmination of 2 giant projects. One I was given a week to work on myself, then had to go to an approver who kept finding errors, wanted expliantion beyond the scope of the project, changed items despite the requirements, and didn't finish what she said she would when she said she would. The other a large group project headed by our boss who was our liason to faculty and put the project together with the faculty requests in mind. This is where in our meetings some of my co-workers were so against these decisions (hard to say whether they were against the ideas or the boss or the fact that the boss came up with the ideas instead of them) and complained so much that they didn't know what their role in the project was. And there I, the compiler, was on Friday 23 hours after putting a deadline on thier materials explaining to them what they were supposed to have done in the first place and having to wait for them to re-do it. Consequently I was at work an extra 2 1/2 hours on a Friday, at the end of a week where I was already staying an hour or more after. Most people in the office are out of here before the clock hits 5pm and yet because I'm the young new one I get all the extra shit to do.

I ended up with a huge head ache and what I figured was indigestion. I couldn't figure out if I needed to belch, puke, or drink a bottle of pepto-bismol. I was hoping it was shear anger and frustration and attempted to jog it out of me. That didn't work and I drove home hunched over my stearing wheel in agony. I think I ate a whole roll of Rol-Aids that night. The next day I went to dance, vegged and had a date with G. I had some soymilk for breakfast, skipped lunch, and managed to be incomplete agony as I finished dinner with G.

Sunday I ate little, but it didn't help by 5 I was downing Rol-Aids again. Again today, a veggie sandwich and piece of strudel the size of my thumb and I feel like I can't stand up straight. It is a weird feeling of wanting to burp or throw up, combined with the feeling of having my sturnum in a vice. The Rol-Aids aren't doing anything to help and I wonder if I should try Zantac because now I'm afraid of anything that I eat. I thought that soy-milk might be calming, something non-acidic non spicy, I tried dried cherrios. Nothing.

I remember this happening to me about 10 years ago at the end of my Junior year in High School. At the time I thought I had an ulcer because I was under so much stress. I have a very vivid memory of sitting in my literature class on a stool at the front getting ready to do a group presentation and my teacher asking me if I needed to go to the nurse because I looked so ashen.

I just got back from a meeting and my boss/mentor/collegue-person asked me what was wrong, and my other collegue mentioned that I must not be well because even when someone was complimenting my work I didn't even crack a smile. I didn't want to admit that part of it was that I didn't want to even be there and we were making plans for the future and all I could think was that if I could only get out of them I'd be so much happier.

Which makes me also wonder if some of this might be psycho-somatic.