A Boy Named Sue

Well, it's official: L is not gay.

Apparently this whole time he's been way attracted to me. The same way that I am attracted to J, the way he just has to stand near me to get me all tingling feeling, L feels that way about me. Which is completely flattering, but I am just not that attracted to him.

How did this revelation come about? L and I were at sunday brunch talking and he said as much. Then we were watching a movie and the next thing I know he's feeling me up, turning the movie off and making-out with me! It turns out his "I'm not dating" statement only held true for the summer. Now that it's september, he wants to get it on.

First off, he's a bad kisser. Really bad. Tight lips, open mouth with almost no tongue. It was just aweful and then it seemed like he didn't even really want to kiss that much, just attack my neck and ear and stuff. Explain to me how a guy can whip out his tongue and do amazing things to my ear but won't do that in my mouth.

After our conversation at brunch where we were talking about relationships and I was touting the idea of not getting married to the first person you're with etc. I get the feeling that he chose yesterday as the day to maul me because he thought I was easy. But it's one thing to say something and another thing to actually do them. But after a little while I didn't want him to think I was tease either. So we ended up fooling around...for 3 hours!!!! The guy has insane amounts of stamina. I actually got bored.

And then there's his idea of kinky. I won't go into details because it's a bit embarrasing (for L), but the guy gets off on being humiliated. Eww...I'm not doing that for a guy every time we do it. And I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk through the whole thing. Let me be in the moment for a sec. Thank god we didn't actually have sex. It would have been so hard to say "never again!"

Part of the problem is my lack of attraction to him. Not that I didn't get into it, but at the same time I kept comparing him to J. Who's taller and more muscular. L is too skinny. I get the guy perspective on "too skinny" now. I don't want to grab onto a guy and feel his ribs.

We did talk alot afterwards...probably soemthing that should have been done before. But he asked me what I was expecting from this. "This" being the previous encounter. I told him the truth, a) I was very confused because I always assumed we were "just friends," b) personality-wise I didn't see us making a romantic connection because he reminds me too much of some Xs that I've had, c) I'm not as attracted to him as he is to me and d) I don't want to be his fuck-buddy. Turns out, D was what he wanted. Friends with Benefits and he didn't understand why I didn't want that "doesn't it make you feel liberated?" I hated to tell him I already had a friends with benefits situation, so I didn't. I just told him there were plenty of other ways to feel liberated.

Anyway...despite the 3 hour bedroom romp L and I are back to where we were, theoretically anyway. I don't know how I'm supposed to hang out with him now.