I wish I had a snappy title.

No phone call from J over the holiday.

L did call and invited me out for the 4th. It was with other people, but that's more than I can say for anyone else in my life. I missed getting to dance with him because I didn't hear my phone ring, but we did meet up for a bit.

I'm not 100% sure that I'm going to end up living up to my resolutions.

I am feeling insanely insecure right now.

I hate living with my parents. I'm too old for that shit. I'm too old to be treated like a teenager (they don't need to know that I act like a teenager when they're not looking). I'm too old to be lying to them about what I do with myself and where I am. But I'm too afraid of tarnishing myself in their eyes to be truthful. I am sick of hearing them talk about me because they think their voices don't travel. I am sick of having my mother tell me one day that I look great and in shape like a dancer when we're shopping, and then tell me that if I don't eat dinner I'm going to be anorexic, or grab my waist and tell me that I'm disappearing. I hate that I can't come home late and not eat if I don't fucking feel like it, because I don't want to hear a litany of "you're going to get an eating disorder" from my mother. So I do eat...despite my cut off time for food being 8pm, I eat, just to make her happy and then I feel miserable.

A friend just got her own apartment and I'm jealous. I want to move out. I am fairly sure that I could afford it, even though I don't make quite the same amount of $$ as my friend (pretty close though) and I know I have more saved up than other people I know. I'm not broke. But right now I don't pay rent, I don't buy my own food except for little things and nights out. I do pay for my car and my medical and my fitness stuff. Maybe I'd have to be more frugal about some things, but I know I could afford it. And I think I might be happier in the long run. The only snag is that I'm still looking for a full-time job and that might take me out of the area.

I am unsure about everything in my life right now.