Dirty Dancing

39 hours and counting. I still haven't heard from J.

Went to a party with L last night. Had to pay $10 to get in, which I thought was a bit of a rip off considering. Basically one of L's friends is a choreographer of sorts and put together some kind of dance exhibition. There were 3 short performances, and other than that my $10 went towards an assortment of finger foods and since we got there late, I got 2 strawberries. And it was a cash bar which meant I had water all night. The dancing was okay. But nothing amazing. It was fairly obvious that it was amaturish. It didn't help that the only person I knew was L and a friend of his that drove us whom I met that night. The friend was pretty nice. Though L would go off to mingle, the friend pretty much hung out with me. He was funny and we got along well. He's married, but I think he was flirting with me. And I saw him go upstairs with more than one girl. At one point during the night he asks if L and I are dating. I answered honestly and said, I don't know because he's being skitso about it. The friend said he does that, gets frustrated with dumb flaky girls and swears off dating for a while. But regardless, the friend said he enjoyed hanging out with me and that I should stick around with L for a while. He honestly didn't care if L and I became a couple, he just wanted to hang out with me again!

After the 3rd dance most people left, but the dj kept playing so a bunch of us started dancing. It's really sad, because amongst my friends I'm easily the best dancer. But here I was surrounded by all these people who do all sorts of proper dancing and suddenly I realized that I'm not as great a dancer as I thought I was. I've seen both dirty dancing movies, the original "Nobody puts Baby in a corner" one and the "Havana Nights" I've got nothing in common with the original except a name and some dancing. That moment that occurs in both movies where the goody-goody girl walks into the club and sees all the raunchy dancing and you can see the incredulity on her face. That was me...only it was dark and I didn't have that look. The thing is that L was so very into it. It wasn't just some grinding like I'm used to. And L kept talking about how much I turn him on. All night he was saying how beautiful and hot I am. Not that compliments aren't nice, but it gets a little embarrassing after awhile. How often can you say thanks to stuff like that. But he never once tried anything. His hands wandered a little bit on my waist, stomach and my butt. But he never groped me and he didn't even try to kiss me. It was highly confusing.


At the end of the night he tried to get me to stay on his couch because it was so late and I had to go home, get a little sleep and work today. But I didn't. I was pretty sure that he'd meant it too, for me to take the couch. All we did was hug a little. The nice kind where you snuggle in a bit and feel like you could fall asleep on his shoulder. Although, L's build is slighter than J's and much smaller than the X's. And I kept thinking about that. While we were dancing and when we hugged before I went home. His body didn't feel the same, and I'm not yet sure whether I am or could be attracted to him. The whole time we were dancing I just kept thinking that if I did end up sleeping with him it would just be to have sex and not to have sex with him. I've never done that before. I'm glad thath I didn't start, but at the same time.... for saying that I turn him on so much I am kind of suprised that he didn't try anything. Relieved and grateful too, but seriously confused too.

I think J is going to get a big suprise if he thinks he can call me right at the end of the day, or if he's expecting me to show up at the gym this afternoon to bump into him. Because I'm not. I got home so late last night, and I am so tired that I am going home, cleaning up the house a little, and going straight to bed.