Why do I feel Undeserving?

I went to dance class last night. All went well, I had fun. I let my dance teacher know about the performance group I joined. Although I have not been able to get ahold of SOG to book a time to start learning this stuff. I hope my work schedule doesn't allow me to fall through the cracks.

My instructor was pretty proud of me. He says that he knows that there was a time I would have said no to an opportunity like that. The thing is that I want to be the type of person who thrives on peforming, on being seen by other people, but a part of me is also terrified of that. I'm working on getting rid of the terror and sticking with the positive.

Then he asks me about my skin. I've been using the Proactive for nearly 3 months now and my skin is only marginally better. I still break out nearly every day. They just seem to be smaller and come and go faster than they did before. It is highly frurstrating. I think that alot has to do with the pill. It has gotten a little bit better since I switched perscriptions. He tells me he can help.

I don't really get it to be honest. And I don't know how to explain it so that it doesn't sound completely crazy. He says he works with Kinesology. I thought that was sports medicine. But the way he describes it, it goes to what I would call a spiritual level. He talked about the universe being like the internet, and people are the terminals. But you don't have access to another terminal with out that person's permission. So he basically was asking me permission to "access my terminal." I know how it sounds - If it had been anyone else I would have thought he was propositioning me. But he just wants to help me - he wants me to acheive my goals. He doesn't want me continuing to feel self conscious about my skin.

It was so amazingly nice. On the process itself I remain slightly skeptical. But he told me to keep visualizing how I'll look and feel with clear skin and I can do that. I ended up crying. First because it does make me self consious and also because I can't get over that he wants to help me like this. I don't really get it - even though he says he does it because he can. My dance instructor isn't the only one, my old boss, SOG I don't know what they see in me that gives them confidence in me. I lack it so much of the time.