There's the science

Yesterday my instructor told me stop using my medicated washes on my skin. To get topical vitamin E and aloe, to mix them together and put it on my skin after I wash my face. He did infact talk about the actual causes of acne this time and didn't discuss the universe and my terminal. He also talked about psychology. And that some of it might be psychosomatic. That I am some how attached to my acne for psychological reasons.

I was trying to figure out when my skin really started getting bad. It was fine last summer. I don't see anything in my holiday pictures either. So I'm thinking it had to be spring time - round about when I went off and back on the pill because I was confused about what I was doing with J, and then the whole BMG jealousy spike.

Now, It could have been going back on the pill. Even though it was a pill that is meant to help my skin. I even switched brands and it made barely a marginal difference. I am hoping this holistic approach my instructor is trying will work (I just looked up holistic to make sure I was using it right - and it turns out that I am the connection between mind, body, spirit. And there is even a mention of kinesiology here.) and I won't have to go off the pill I'm on. I like the lack of period I get with it.

So the vitamin E and Aloe is supposed to "nurish" my skin. The mind part is the psychological attachment part. I made myself write down all of the ways I might be psychologically attached to this in the hopes that if I recognize the reasons it will be easier to let go of them. To see that I don't really want to hang on to those reasons. I don't really want to be held back.

The spirit part - well I consider myself an agnostic. I have no faith for religion or atheism. But I believe in something - it some kind of cosmic butterfly effect. In that what I do affects the universe, other people, and myself. I generally use Karma as a catch all for this idea, even though I don't know that I truely believe in re-incarnation, so the term isn't accurate in the way that I use it.

I'm not saying that the universe is getting back at me for harboring hatred toward BMG. But maybe my poisonous thoughts and feelings are having negative consequences for me.