Jealousy

I was checking my mother's hotmail (she often doesn't know how to do something on email and asks that I do it for her) and saw a link to an article regarding jealousy.

It talked about the underlying reasons behind feeling jealousy - abandonment issues mainly. And then it talked about feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Which struck me as particularly relevant in my case. I wonder why J doesn't want to be with me as much or as often as I want to be with him. I wonder what I'm doing wrong, and what must be wrong with me to causing the reaction in him. The article suggested figuring out what you don't like about yourself and then how you can change that image of yourself.

I wish I could pin-point what the problem is really. My life is in no worse a place than it was when I was having fun this summer. It is in fact moving in better directions. So why am I a wreck with jealousy?

Is it really even jealousy? Do I really want to keep J all to myself? I don't even really have him. Or am I envious? Envious of what? the other girls he dances with? The other places he spends his time that I don't know about? Arghhh. I sound horrible.

This. This is what I don't like about myself. I liked myself better when I did everything for me with only a thought for me and not who I was going to possibly run into if I did things.