I don't even know where to begin

I don't really know why I thought that this time seeing my XX was going to be different. It never is.

I was really excited to be seeing him and didn't really get nervous until I was coming down the escalator in the airport where he was waiting. We just hugged hello, he took my bag and we went to find his car. He had put together a little picnic in the hotel room for me since I got in so late and we just ate and chatted. Apparently right now is this town's peak season and I had to share a room with the XX because there were no vacancies to be found anywhere. That was fine. I hadn't really made up my mind about behaving myself or not, but I didn't see why we couldn't manage to.

Everything was fine until the next morning when he started kissing me. The whole time I couldn't help but compare him to J. Which is totally unfair, but I couldn't help it.

We had a great time at the wedding. Danced alot and the food was good once I managed to get my point across that I didn't want any meat, even fish. There was a ton of champaigne flowing and we sat at a very fun table. I ended up dancing with this one guy's girlfriend almost as much as with the XX. But it was fun and apparently everyone else had a good time watching us!

Maybe it was the fact that it was a wedding, or that we got a little drunk, but back at the hotel room the XX breaks into a litany of "I don't want to leave you tomorrow." He goes so far as to say that he's been wondering for the past three years (the last time I saw him) if he hadn't made a huge mistake in letting me go, but he doesn't want to go ahead and ask me to marry him right now. [Insert picture of me with huge deer-in-headlight eyes.] He says that he can't imagine anyone else that he could even come close to marrying and that for 4 years he's been trying to find another me and it hasn't worked.

He wants to visit at Christmas, but he never really answered my question about what this all means. Is he looking to do a long distance relationship until one of us can move? I just started a brand new job and I'm supposed to sign an apartment lease next month. If this had come up a month ago I would have said, "fuck it, I'll move, I've got nothing better going for me."

Why is the one guy that I want to be interested in me not at all interested in me? And the guys that I resigned to my past are telling me that I'm too wonderful to get over?