First days

Wow. Do I feel overwhelmed. My training is scheduled down to the hour for the next three weeks. But I have at least 3 packets of information, so many loose leafs, I've been shown at least a dozen things online that I have to remember, and met with as many people in just 2 days.

I managed to go for a run last night after work at the gym. I got there before J's second class let out, but only 10 minutes so I couldn't join it or anything. I was doing a great job of not being somewhere to check on when the class let out and when he left. Until I went to strech of course. I didn't mean to be somewhere he could see me. It was 1/2 an hour after his class let out and he was at the drinking fountain and then went back into the studio room. He saw me, smiled and waved. I did a double take like 'oh, are you here still?' and then I waved back. I was pretty pissed off. He must have been dancing with somebody to still be in the room. (So much for that pulled muscle I guess). I just finished all my stretching and abs and left. I didn't wait to see who else came out of that room or go say hi. I just couldn't do it. I don't want to do it!

He does not want me! When am I going to get that into my thick skull? When three months go by? When I move into my apartment and he still isn't giving me a booty call?

On the plus side I have a plane ticket and I am going away for the weekend. Maybe the XX will want to get it on. That would get my mind off J. I hope that hanging out with the XX will keep my mind off of J. I haven't seen him 3 years so I am sure we are going to have a ton of fun. And this is a person who, depsite being an ex, genuinely cares about me. I need to be in that type of male company for a change.

I just hope I can make it through this work week with out having a nervous breakdown.