I must have done something good.

Yesterday was great. Who would have thought that my funk would have lifted on a Monday. Just the day before I was crying again on my the phone with my brother because of this job.

I went and put my first rent check in with my application for this apartment that I want. It should only be a day or two before I know when I can sign a lease and start moving in. After that I went to dance class. I was nervous. I had decided to tell J about the apartment and the new job. I think that I really believed that me having the new job and not being on campus working and around all of the time would make a difference. I got to follow and we switched partners at every new song. When I finally get to J the first thing he says is, "I'm exhausted, I was up at 5am this morning." Which is code for, "Not tonight honey, I have a headache." I could have been brought down by this - boo hoo he doesn't want me - but I didn't let it. I just told him that I'd had a really good day and part of that was getting this new apartment. He asked where and I told him (this summer he told me about this building because he had lived there). He kind of laughed and said, that's funny. Nothing else. Then we just focused on me trying to get a particular step down. I was a little unsure for most of class. Funny good? or Funny bad?

But then when I was getting my equipment set up for the next class he smiled at me. It was the best smile. Not like a "hey babe, how you doin'" smile, but a genuine smile you give to somebody when you're glad to see them. It was really nice to see. His eyes look amazing when he smiles.

Class just about knocked me out. I thought I was going to pass out because it was so hot in the room. I used that as an excuse to get more water and sit down to wait for J after it was done. I thought I might lose my good day vibes when I saw Pink Sweat Suit girl (not in exercise clothes) come down the hall and go into the room. But I got a swell of courage when I saw her walk right back out again! I don't really care whether she said I'm not coming round to dance today or he told her that he was too tired to dance, I was just glad that I wasn't waiting in vain. When his students left I went into the dance studio to "ask him a question." I wanted to know about next semester's schedule which he doesn't know yet. We got to talking about how busy he is. He's got so much work to do for student teaching on top of the other jobs he does. So I am reassured that his 'inattention' really is due to stress and being overly busy. He says that with all of the work he's got no life. He basically schedules class around his other work and doesn't give it up because he likes to dance. I got to mention that I was asking because I got a new job. He was genuinely pleased for me and we talked some more. He's gotten a new phone and took my phone number again. We talked about the place I'm moving into. He said it was good that I was not on a floor with a laundry because of the noise. It was a nice 20 minute or so chat and it was soooo nice.

I think that it reassured my fears that he would forget all about me in the month that I won't be able (maybe) to be in class. Though, I am realizing that we are getting into more complicated moves and now is the worste time to have to quit. Oh well. I am feeling better today than I have since I said yes to this new job. Stupid how much my anxiety was wrapped up in J and his reaction to me getting a place and a new job. Oh well, at least I know I'm crazy and with any luck I can keep this encounter in mind when I have doubts in the future.

I might even have to re-think my stance on Pink Sweat Suit Girl. The fact that she left gave me the extra boost to talk with him. I don't want to guess at what their "relationship" might be, but maybe I don't need to hate her so much. I was realizing how many guy friend I have when I was sending a mass e-vite to my new job celebrations. I can see how that might be taken the wrong way by some guy who's interested in me. So I need to calm down and stop jumping to conclusions. Easier said than done, but I'm going to try anyway.