First week almost over

Well, I'm still overwhelmed, but it's getting more exciting. I really haven't done anything other than be trained, but I've bounced ideas off of my boss and I've gotten to know some more people that I'll be working with. All in all I think once I get the hang of things I might really like it here.

I've been trying so hard not to think about J, but it's not working so well. I didn't talk to him on Wednesday when I went to work out even though I saw him there. He didn't seem to see me though. And even though I spoke to him last Wednesday and he took my phone number again almost 2 weeks ago, he's yet to call me. I am sort of hoping to see him Sunday, or at least maybe hear from him over the weekend if he's going to the dance on Sunday, but realisticly, I'm not holding my breath.

I'm still not sure why I even want to hear from after talking to that girl last Friday. She has called me since and we'll probably go dancing at somepoint so we don't feel akward going alone. But I found out that she only broke up with her boyfriend a few months ago. I can't image J would have gone out with her while she had a boyfriend, unless she ment the 3 of them were at the club and left out the boyfriend since he's no longer with her. Hard to say. I don't know her well enough to dig for information even subtley.

I dislike this "make him chase you" test I've got going on. I am fairly sure that I can make it to the second class this Monday. It'll either break what's left in my shriveled heart for him when I see Pink Sweat-Suit Girl come in and stay to dance with him. Or I'll get to talk to him and either feel better about waiting or decide to just give up all together. I'm pretty sure it's going to be shriveled and over by Monday night.

I really shouldn't be thinking about him at all in less than 7 hours I am going to be on flight out east to go with the XX to a wedding. I'm excited to see him since it's been so long and we've stayed on good terms. But at the same time, things tend to heat up when we are around each other and I'm in a delemia as to whether I should let them or not. It has been nearly a month since J and I were together. But if I'm hoping to see him on Sunday...it might not be the best plan to go sleeping with somebody else. On the other hand, I am pretty sure that things with J are over. All the signs are there, I'm just being a knucklehead about admitting that and keeping myself going with false hope. So why not be with the XX. Despite him not being a boyfriend anymore here is somebody I know genuinely cares a great deal for me. Unfortunately, when I think about being with XX, seriously fantasize about it, usually it's always J's name that pops into my head. That can't be a good sign.

The wedding should be fun anyway. If the reception has any dancing at all I know I'll have a good time. A little wine at dinner, a bit of champaigne, maybe a rum and coke, lots and lots of dancing and catching up with my good friend. I just hope that I don't have to sit by myself at a table full of strangers. The XX is in the wedding party, but I had a friend who had a "sweet-heart" table for her and the groom at the reception so the wedding party had a table of thier own with thier dates. I can keep my finger's crossed.