I think Junk Food tastes so Good because it's Bad for you

I have this habit of wanting what I can't have.

No progress, or should I say illumination, has been made with J. I realize he's busy, but a little something so that I know what page I'm on wouldn't be so hard would it? It's hard because I want him so badly and I'm hardly even getting a flirt out of him. I guess it's not really so different from this summer when he blew hot and cold then. I don't know why I'm obsessing when things (except these weird all-you-get-is-a-hug moments) are pretty much status quo.

G on the otherhand, is doing everything right. He's taking me out, he says he wants to spend more time with me, he likes how well we get along and how comfortable it is hanging out with me. He kissed me after our 3rd date and we made out for a long time on our 4th, but he was totally above board. Unlike L, there was no groping no mauling, just your average necking on the guy's couch.

So if he's doing everything right, and I like hanging out with him, why don't I want G the way I want J?

Obviously some of it comes down to physical attraction. I only have to think about J in order to get totally turned on and I can't believe that no-one can feel the heat radiating off of me when I'm in the same room with him. When we dance (not very often these days) I sometimes feel like I'll burst from wanting him so much. Objectively speaking I don't find G all that attractive, but he's easy to talk to and not a bad kisser.

So rather than taking the guy who's doing everything right I'm obsessing over the guy I can't really have except for the occassional BSS when he feels like it.

On the one hand it's easier, the total lack of commitment, not having to accomodate J into my schedule like I do with J. I already hurt so it's not like if he were to "break-up" with me that I could feel much worse. And after having been with the X where things were so comfortable and good I can imagine the pain I would be in if G ever broke my heart. Wanting what I can't have at least keeps me safe from that.