Le Sigh

It's 5pm and I'm still at work. Technically I don't need to be. I got here a few minutes after 9am, so I've put in my 8 hours, but I'm going out of town and will be missing 2 days of work. I only get paid for the work I put in. Unlike the salaried workers around here who can take a day off and not see a steep decline in a paycheck, I take a day off and my paycheck look sad and pathetic when it comes in.

So here I am stuck and not wanting to work. Yesterday was hellish. There is something about being in front of a room of undergrads as they stare at you as if they know everything already as if everything that comes out of your mouth is neither new nor interesting to them. In some of those cases I see that it might be true, but when I get 10 questions 5 minutes later on what I just covered, because they were checking their email instead of following the lesson...I get pissed. Today I had a break, it was actually boring. Tomorrow is more hell. But I have a new game plan for that class, I'm hoping it goes better than Monday.

On the plus side of work...I got accepted to do an internship at our University Press. It's unpaid and I'll have to cut down on my hours here in order to sleep and eat, but I'm guessing it's my ticket out of here. I'm already getting excited about it and it doesn't start until January. It seems weird to be taking the internship route again. I just finished being a Grad Assistant five months ago, and here I'm trying to learn a new trade yet again. I wish I could make up my mind about what the fuck I want to do with my life. But I think this might be it. Two and a half months...I need to get one of those blog countdowns!

I am supposed to go out with G again tonight. I told him pointblank that I teach in the morning and he gets 2 hours with me tops before I have to be home and to bed. I didn't get in to work as early as I wanted today because I was so exhausted and considered calling him up and canceling. I don't want to be mean to him. He kept saying that he just wants to hang out with me even if it's only a bit. Why is his version of being sweet such a turn off? We went out last Thursday and this past Saturday it was fantastic talking to him. I really enjoy talking to him and hanging out. He is very intellectually stimulating, but I know that the night is going to end with some making out...and frankly I'd rather not. It isn't that he's a bad kisser, just not my kind of kisser. It's kind of technical. I can feel him thinking about it.

It doesn't help that I was with J last night. Finally! It took forever to get out of my weights class and ended up running into him as I was coming out. He was super friendly and we sat and chatted a bit. Of course I had emailed him suggesting that after class might be a better time for us to get together, and had planned on waiting for him anyway. He said that his brother had his car and he didn't think mine would be big enough. I understood (in my head I'm thinking...god I've got to get an apartment-which I'm thinking is going to be a must when I'm working and interning in January so I can cut out 2 hours of commuting), but was disappointed and I left him there since he had work stuff to finish up.

Said bye to him on my way out after getting my stuff, and stopped in my office to make a couple quick phone calls. I noticed as I was closing the blinds (yes I swear! I don't stalk!) that he had left and was walking toward the parking structure, without his bike. I figured, maybe his brother was picking up there or something. So color me super surprised when I left to find him on his way back, 'cuz he'd been trying to catch up with me! :) <-----that's a picture of me beaming. He decided we should give my tiny car a go. So we did. It worked for a quicky which is all either of us had time for. I was exhausted from being up at 5:45am, and he had lesson plans to write. It's funny because in talking on the way to my car (he mentioned being really horny, which I had to agree with and the conversation got more provocative from there) I took his arm and he totally let me walk with him that way. Awww...isn't it sweet? I know I'm totally pathetic. Here's to hoping that Wednesday turns out as good.