Hereos, X-men, the X

I went over to the X's to watch Heros again (it's turning into X-men with out the tights, Linderman = Magneto; Peter = Cyclops; etc, etc. I'm just waiting to see who's gonna be their version of Prof. X)

I wasn't going to go over tonight. I was going to go back to my Monday night dacne lesson. I haven't been since before my birthday. I got the "Dancing with the Stars Cardio Dance" DVD from the library. Maybe it was work-out endorphins, but I got the urge to go back to my dance lessons. But when I thought of it I had forgotten that Hereos is on at the same time.

I used to be a much worse TV junkie than I am now. So I knew that I wouldn't be too bad off if I had to tape it at home with a fuzzy reception. But the X even volunteered to tape it for me for me to watch later. In the end I went over and skipped dance. I figure there are only a few weeks left in the show, and the X will be moving in just a couple of months. The dance studio isn't going anywhere.

On the other hand I feel like I'm regressing. Choosing him over something I wanted to do. Part of it was nerves at going back to class to. Much like getting up the courage to go the first time. The part of me that wouldn't go to dances or clubs alone is back. I don't like that part of me.

But It was a good night. I had no bones about it - I knew that if I went tonight or later in the week, I was going over there to have sex. The X even called me out on it. When I said I might not come over, but would go to class instead - he said that I was just afraid that we'd end up having sex again. I responded that it wasn't that I thought we would, I knew we would. He found that funny.

It was good this time though - no tears. The X says that it's great and that it's because he really cares about me. He also told me that he used me as an excuse to say no to a girl who asked him out recently. He said he was dating someone and even told her my name! That has me a little worried. And that he pouted when I said I wasn't spending the night.

I know that the reason I'm with him is because he does care about me. It is a quick fix on making myself feel better. I just think that if we're not careful one or both of us is going to get hurt.