The Inner Sanctum

Saturday were the workshop classses. I was nervous for the first 15 minutes checking the door to see who was coming in. Neither J nor BMG showed. I think that was a good thing. I had a great time, learned loads and I didn't need to be self-consious at all.
That night I took it easy. I did go out, but watched more than I danced just to save my feet for Sunday. I ended up talking to this one guy alot of the time. I like dancing with him because he keeps it pretty simple - cool, but simple - and is always very complimentary. When he throws something new at me and I do it well, or if I throw in some styling he always says "Look out, Free Me, is all business tonight."

This Sunday was a year that I've been going out to dance outside of classes. The difference is noticable. Not only am I a better dancer, but my very first time out I only stayed a couple of hours and sat out as much if not more than I danced.
Now I think I sat down once and that was just to change my shoes.

BMG did show up for the Sunday dance. I did alot better about not thinking about her much. I made one snarky mental comment about her atrocious outfit and left it at that. I noticed later that J's other dance partner (his first one, the one I like alot better) had also come. They were buddy buddy and I tried to decide whether I should go talk to her. We had only ever talked at the club and I don't even think she remembers my name. But I decide to be nice and I said hi. I think she's a good dancer (she should be it's her major) but I don't really think she's great at the partner dancing. We talked about the workshops some and I said how great they were. She mentioned she noticed alot of the girls at this dance doing alot of styling. I have noticed this in her dances with J at the club - she's got the big tricks down - the splits, the shines, the flips and lifts - but the little touches she doesn't do. BMG does have that on her I have to admit. BMG can do both. So Dance Partner 1 (D1) and I chatted for a bit then I said bye to some others. BMG was near by, but since I've never been formally introduced to her or anything and she was talking to her mom I didn't say anything to her. Yeah, her mom. It's kind of cute actually - that is one of the ladies I've seen her with on Thursday nights.

On Saturday during the breaks one of the organizers - a great dancer who only ever asked me to dance two weeks ago - started talking to me. I know that he dances with and hangs out with BMG often so I never really thought he'd ever talk to me. At the end of the day we were chatting again and he invited me to a bbq. It was for guest instructors that rant he workshops. I didn't end up going but he even took me out to my car w/ his umbrella since I didn't have one. He talked to me on Sunday again and asked me to dance. I think he videoed me dancing with someone and definetly caught me downing a popsicle later in the evening. It's like I've finally been invited into the cool crowd or the inner sanctum that I've never been allowed to see before.

I'm actually a little disapoited that J didn't show up. One, I'd like him to see how much better I've gotten. And two, I dread the idea of running into him at the gym. Classes start again today and there are two I'd like to take, but they are in the same room right before his classes. Which means I would see him as I leave and he's setting up. At least at the dance I could have been doing something else, but to just walk by or walk out after a perfunctory hello is not how I wanted to interact with him for the first time after two months of silence. I feel like I'm back to avoiding him like I was for a couple of weeks in April, but not because I don't want to see him, but because I don't want to see him like that. On the other hand I don't want to actively seek him out either. I'm not heading back to his club just to show him my new moves. I don't want to give him any kind of idea that I care anymore, even if I do.