Easy come easy go

As soon as I made other plans I felt better. It was like a weight had been sitting on my chest that just disapeared the moment I committed myself to not be at the gym to run into J.

The downside - I made plans with the X for dinner. We went to a diner just down the block from my apartment. Which meant he wanted to come back to my place afterward. Guess who's car was parked outside of my apartment building? J's. It seriously pissed me off. If he's not going to park in the parking lot why not take a meter that is closer to the gym? Why pick the one that I can practically see from my bedroom window? Just park in the goddam lot.

The X ended up leaving pretty early which was good - I wasn't into being with him. It was another grin and bear it times. I couldn't help thinking about the times I was with J in that bed. After the X left I quickly showered and went dancing.

CF has been trying to get me to go to a social dance on tuesdays for a while now. They play all the social dances there though and I don't know most of them. But I was talking to my instructor on monday night and decided to give it a try. I looked damn good and what with J's car being out front I was hoping that he would at least see me, but his car was still there and I don't think he was in it.

I ended up having a great time at the dance. I learned some new dances - the guys were completely willing to teach me the basics of some of the other dances. I totally forgot to even think about J until I got home and I took his spot out front. I was feeling awesome - total endorphin high. I had this stupid fantasy of being in class tomorrow and seeing J afterward and everything going uber-well. He'd ask me to stay for his class, I'd ask about the club - if the DJ got better or if they got a new one yet. I even had this crazy idea that I could even go back there now. I was planning on going out tonight to meet up with some people and I figured if I could get them to come out on Friday that it'd be a nice little buffer. Friday's are the one night I don't really get to dance.

Then I couldn't sleep and now I'm tired and irritable. I kept thinking I should call in sick today. I wish I had. I'm gonna leave early though. I'm not skipping my fitness class today. I don't care if I do have to see J afterwards. I'm tired of giving a shit about somebody who doesn't care less about me. If we say hi fine, and if we ignore eachother that's okay too. I'm just done with this.