I know I'm weak, I just don't care

There was a whole lot 'o text messaging going on this weekend.

J did text me back Saturday night. I was sitting with the X waiting for the previews before Fantastic Four (can I just say those were the most interesting 10 minutes of the movie) when the text came. All he had to say was that he wasn't "trying" to ignore me. Oh no, not trying - it just happens all on it's own. That's how little he thinks of me. So when I left the X's I basically texted that back to him. That and that I must be his last resort when feeling horny. I got a responce around 3am, "you're not, I really have fun with you. Do you want to get together?" I couldn't believe it. After all the messages he's still wanting to get it on.

I didn't respond until Sunday. At that point I'd finally decided to give in. I'm unhappy either way - either he's not with me and I'm thinking about him feeling aweful that he doesn't care, or I'm sleeping with him on occasion thinking why doesn't he want to be with more. At the very least in one of the senario's I can be getting some hot sex.

So I told him I wasn't around for the weekend but that we should get together soon. He responded with tell him when. He didn't even fall for my "anytime that's good for you" text. So I told him we can get together tonight after I'm done dancing.

I know things with J aren't going to be any different this time. In fact they might even be worse. He's totally aknowledged the fact that he is booty calling me. And despite me saying that I don't want to get hurt again, I've gone and given in. My hopes are that I can keep in mind that he's never going to be a boyfriend, or even a date and if I can keep myself busy enough with other non-sex relationships and going out with friends then I think I might be able to keep perspective this time around.

I am also sort of hoping - seeing as J and BMG weren't hanging out together when I saw him at the one club - that I can stop obsessing about BMG now that he's back to sleeping with me. I remember the feeling of security that I had a year ago when we were at a dance. I had a hugely fun time even though he was dancing with and talking to so many other girls because I knew we were going to leave together. Sure it was just to have sex and then go our separate ways.

Speaking of BMG - I have to get my weekly cattiness out of the way. I thought the white mini skirt with side slit up to her panties was bad. But I get to the club on Thursday and she's wearing lime green booty shorts that showed bottom cheek when she danced, a tank top and pig tails with her high heel dance shoes. The really funny thing was that the temperature dropped that day by like 10 degrees. If it had been really hot outside I could understand coming in something you were comfortable in, but it was cold for summer. Ugh, I've seriously got to stop comparing myself to her - I don't want to look like that. Yeah, it'd be nice to not have the cellulite making it possible for me to wear that stuff - but not if it comes at the price of the rest of my womanly figure (I'm small, but I've still got hips). I just don't know why guys go ga ga at the sight of so much skin and fail to see the total lack of hips, waist or boobs, on the girl. Oh and taste. I thought it was bad with the white shirt and black bra, but this is horrible. It makes me wish for those days back. I might have to change her alias from Bare Midrift Girl to Nearly Naked Girl.

I've come up with a name for her guy friend that she argues with on the dance floor. Cool Guy is going to be his name - because that's how he acts. I actually overheard them on the dance floor on Thursday. She was mad, and I heard him say "how am I supposed to learn if I don't try it out." It sounds to me like she doesn't like to try out moves she doesn't know or is comfortable with. Understandable if your just dancing to look good or aren't a good follower. Ha!

Okay - cattiness done.

K was away for the weekend. He sent me a text on Sunday saying that he was headed back and an email yesterday morning. In the email he said he'd call, but didn't until this morning at 8:30am. I should have been at work so I didn't pick up. I did email him back though. He claims to want to go to dinner, but he signed off his email "hope to see you soon...and hold you." Blech - can I have a little less cheese please. And wanting to hold somebody has much more romantic/sexual connotations than I am prepared to have with him right now.