Be Careful What You Wish For.

The XX left.

His flight back home doesn't leave until Saturday, but he's not here anymore. The short story is that he wanted a romantic relationship which I am not ready to have with him again. I would have liked some time to figure out if my old feelings for him could come back, but he didn't really want to give it to me. He disliked me putting him up in my living-room instead of my bed. He doesn't know how to divorce his romantic feelings from his attraction to me and wanted to salvage his trip by sleeping with me for the next week.

Call me crazy, but if someone says they love you should they be walking out the door when you say you won't have sex with them? I realize that intimacy is part of romantic love. But why should sex be the only way to have it?

I know that I've hurt him terribly and for that I hate myself. I feel like I never should have let him come visit me in the first place. But why couldn't he have respected my wishes and taken things slowly? Why couldn't we find out if we were still friends before finding out if we were still attracted to each other?

I'm angry and sad at the same time. He's waited four years to tell me he still loves me. He never tried before and now that he has, he won't wait for my feelings to change, to see if they'll change.

I truely hope that New Years Eve isn't really indicative of how your year will go. Because I am going to be sad and alone this year.