Guilt Factor

I got a brief message from the XX that he'd gotten to his in-between station safely. He also said that he would call me on New Years Day. That didn't happen. I got nothing actually until last night when an email arrives from him. He's been spending his time online and decided to take me off his chat contacts becuase he didn't like looking at my name and feeling the embarrasment of this weeks events. Then he got worried that I could some how see that he'd done this and wanted to explain why, but that if I hadn't seen this that I should ignore his email.

I'm a helpful person, perhaps too helpful sometimes. I emailed him back and let him know how he could appear to be offline if that is what he wanted and that I would cease to bother him.

Apparently, me not bothering him was not the intention of his email. Because I recieved another this morning telling me how cold I have been offering him no explination and that it seems to me who wants to cease contact not him. He also proceded to tell me how miserable he is where he is at the moment. What I wanted to say was:

Do NOT blame me for the consequences of your actions. You chose to leave my home when I wouldn't give into your ultimatum. And YES it was an ultimatum. Telling me you couln't have a good time on this trip if you weren't having sex with me and leaving when I wouldn't is an ultimatum. It is the lowest form of pressure - if you cared about me you would - ahttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.quote.gifnd I will not give in to it. As for you feeling so bad where you are, that I also can not help. I told you not to go. I wanted a comprimise. Do NOT think that I am going to feel guilty over that. I am sorry if my friendship is not enough for you. But if you want more of an explination you must ask for it. You can not give me the cold shoulder after leaving and then complain about my cold shoulder to you. Stop being a baby and a fucking drama queen. You are too old for such antics. Why is it that I feel the more mature person here yet you are the elder?

No Love,
Me


P.S. I'm glad I made the decision not to have a relationship wiht you. You can not say that you love me and not respect my decision to keep my body to myself. What would have happened months down the line when I'm tired or PMSing or just not in the mood? What if I am really sick and this isn't a cold? You made no consessions for how I felt. Love shouldn't coerse someone into doing something they don't want to do. I am convinced now that you only think you love me. I don't know who broke your heart recently to make you come crawling back to me, but I'm beginning to see why she did.

Anyway...that's not what I wrote. I apologized. I said I was trying to give him space and time to grieve. Which is all true, but seriously I'd like to scream at him. He broke my heart so many time and Karma is a bitch.