Why oh Why?

Living in my own place is lonely. On the one hand it's nice to have my own space, to know that everything there is mine to use and I'm not going to find anything gone out of the fridge or the tv being used. On the other hand there's just me. I go home at it's empty.

I've got a friend who's boyfriend is out of town for all of December. And once the holiday's arrive I'll be going here and there.

J called me last night after class and said that he'd have to come by to see my new place sometime. Maybe this week. He'd try. But he's got a project due on Thursday and works all of Friday. And he thinks he might be coming down with the flu. I wish he'd just tell me he's done with me. I don't want or need these excuses.

The thought of XX coming to visit is not filling me with excitement like it did when I first told him he could come visit. My family is now talking about coming into town for that week after Christmas. That would be awkward.

I'm still overwhelmed by work. I am having to plan 6 months ahead in this job. I have never done this shit before and they are expecting me to plan this far ahead, have budgets worked out, have the rooms, the times the people lined up.

What have I done? More than ever I just want to run away. My most recent off the wall fantasy is going to Canada and from there visiting Cuba only to decide to stay.