All caught up

So that was all that was in the Live Journal...now for a bit of an update...

I feel like a whore and I hate myself.

I mistakenly thought that the X asked me out to dinner for the pleasure of my company or for a conversation about what the fuck we've been doing for the past month. yeah, we had fun. Dinner was okay and then we killed time in a bookstore, but it was all a clever ploy to get in my pants.

I didn't want to do it. I wanted to just go home. I was tired and I wanted to get up early to go to the gym. I finally got to my goal weight and in the past couple of weeks it has crept up +4. Normally that wouldn't bother me, but I can feel my skinny jeans getting tighter in the thighs and it freaks me out. With finals I haven't exercised as much as I'd like and I was binge-ing. I'm not mia so purging wasn't really an option, though I tried a couple of times, I just couldn't get everything up.

But back to the topic at hand...I gave in. I didn't want to, but it seemed so much easier to just let him fuck me and go home than try to explain to him why I didn't want to have sex with him anymore and probably have him beg. Yes, earlier in the week on the phone he begged me to come over. When I put my foot down and said no, he said the least I could do was take some photos with my phone and send them to him. *gross*

I closed my eyes, I felt like a dead fish, I tried to think of other guys that I find really attractive and I tried not to cry afterwards. He wanted me to spend the night and he kept telling me what a great time he had at dinner. He was coming up with all these other things we should do together.

I don't think he got the X-girlfriend memo. The one that says You broke up with me, you fucking prick. Okay, so I never sent that memo....but I'm going to. But first I'm going to ignore him for a week and see if that makes things better or worse.

As for the Man. I think that in his world I no longer exist. I'm beginning to wonder if the X has talked about our get togethers to mutual friends of his and the Man's. It would explain the fact that he no longer comes around to the desk. But...he still hangs out with that girl with a boyfriend, buys her stuff, and takes her out...she's totally boning somebody else. Which means, the Man just doesn't like me.