A month ago my boyfriend of over a year broke-up with me...over the phone.
While he said alot of stuff, what it all boiled down to was the classic "It's not you. It's me." It's a lie. It's both of us.
I try to convince myself that the reasons are numerous and complex, really they aren't. We just got tired of each other. We'd gotten to the point where we wouldn't talk to each other for days. He didn't mind being in the same house different rooms, doing the exact same things. If we did go out the silences were long and awkward. A year ago we would only get a few hours of sleep because we'd stay up talking. We'd be on the phone for more than an hour and still have a ton left to talk about.
A year ago we'd go to bed at the same time and the sex was great. Toward the end it got to the point where one of us would make excused for not being ready for bed so that the other would be asleep and we wouldn't have to go through the motions of monotonous love making.
I'd like to blame it all on him. He grew away from me. He didn't want to be around me. He didn't find me interesting or attractive anymore. But I never tried to fight it. My apathy killed our relationship just as much as his attitude did.
All this was right before finals time and the holidays. I've not had alot of time to really think about and feel what's happened. Now I do and I'm uncontrollably saddened. I miss what we used to have and I wish I had done something more to save it. I don't think we'll ever speak to each other again, much less actually reconcile or even become friends. And the idea of losing this person completely from my life makes me want to curl up in a ball and never face the world again.
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