Maybe I'm the hypocrit

I was gleeful, evilly gleeful at the prospect of B screwing things up with her fiance the other night. I had visions of being the tough-love friend who says "I know you're upset about your fiance dumping you, but what kind of an idiot are you to have done this to him?" Nothing of the sort happened. And I never did find out why B didn't show up to the going away party.

I'm not going so far as to say that I'm over it. When I think about it I still get completely appalled by her behavior and incredulous that her fiance still wants her. But, I'm coming to grips with It's not my life. They have to live with all of it not me. I am still up in the air about continuing a friendship with B. Sometimes I think about calling or texting her and stop myself. When I'm around her I'm still friendly, but I keep counting down until she leaves town. And I keep hoping that her fiance gets that job in their home state so that she won't come back in 6 months.

I now feel bad for the evil glee I had. For wanting something bad to happen to her relationship with the fiance. I've never cheated on a guy, and I never plan to, but I do remember back in October 2006 (see "Some answers for you"), when thinking if I would still sleep with J if he were in a relationship, I said I wasn't sure if it would stop me.

And as for B lying to my face about being with J, it also isn't as if I don't lie. I've lied to my mother for a long time about being a virgin. I've lied to everyone, except those that read this blog about how I lost 30 pounds 2 1/2 years ago. I lied to everyone the whole time I was losing the weight too. I lie to guys about why I don't want to date them. I lie to everyone, except those that read this blog, about being over certain guys in my life.

So maybe I'm not all that better than B and that it's just my jealousy I can't really shake off.