Weekend Ups and Downs

Saturday was another day of special workshops with famous instructors. On Wednesday when I went out they were handing out flyers so I thought that there was a chance that J would show up. He went to the one in October, and the one in March when he was with BMG.

So I looked pretty cute that day - pink shorts w/ a white yoga top, and my ballet sippers instead of the dance heels. There is a fine line between hot and skanky when wearing shorts w/ heels. I probably wouldn't have been too close to the skanky. Unlike some people I could mention, coughBMGcough, who did show up. In crop top, shorts, tada! dance heels and rockin' some seriously old (fuzzy) . No J though. Lots of pictures of me taken though.

I had a pretty good time though. Particularly because BMG was having a hard time with some of the ladies foot/arm work. Yeah, it was hard, I got the turns with the arms, but not all of the rest. At one point, I thought she was going to cry. It made me happy in a very mean spirited way. I couldn't tell if it was a frustration born of being too hard on herself, or of thinking she should be good enough to do it.

Afterwards, YICG invited me and a few others over to his place (his and his girlfriend's) for a bbq. Last time - June - I turned down the invite. I was still a little shy at that point. But this time I went and I had a really great time.

The next day was pretty good. At first I thought that BMG wasn't going to show, but sadly, I caught sight of her eventually. Still I was having a good time. Toward the end of the night J's dance partner that I like showed up and said hi. I made the mistake of telling her I had been the one night but hadn't gotten to say hi. She misunderstood me and thought I had been there this previous friday and said she wasn't there. She tells me there are two other girls that he also dances with, BMG being one of them, and someone else who's name I didn't recognize.

That's when my night went down hill. It pisses me off. I guess I thought that at some point J would actually want me to help him. I've had fantasies about it, I offered twice (once for class, and once for this gig). I get it that he wants really good dancers. I don't know about the one girl, but BMG is really good, and girl I like is a good dancer, though I think BMG looks better dancing. But judging by the video online, they don't make J look any better.

Then as I was leaving at the end of the night I see BMG talking to one of the instructors from my dance studio who had come for the dance. BMG was asking her how long she was in town for and taking her number into her phone. Argh. This is the third instructor from my studio that I've seen her chatting too. It's bad enough I have to see her at these things and on thursday nights, but if she starts going to my dance studio... I don't like her. I don't want her around. My instructor the other night was so impressed with this one lady who was taking a particular class for the first time that he immediately asked her to be in a performance in March. Granted he's already asked me, but I'm imagining that happening w/ BMG. Is it too much to ask that I have one bastion of dancing where I am BMG free?

It is so hard not to compare myself to her already. How am I going to cope when I start seeing her more than I already do? I'll either start pushing myself too hard in an attempt to catch up, or just giving up and getting fat again.