Well, well, well...it's a hole in the ground.

J, besides having been my dance instructor also refs for an intermural team I play on. For the past 6 or 7 weeks he has not been reffing my games since we use two fields to accomodate all the teams.

Last night was an important game, the first in our "playoffs." Okay, so every team made some form of the "playoffs" depending on how good or bad they did they'd make it into one of the tournament brackets. We just squeaked into the higher bracket. First of all half of our team couldn't make it. Our captain was injured and in order to get the field covered people were playing out of position. We put forth a fairly decent showing, but in the end we lost.

I am by no means an athlete. I'll give most things a go once...I've played almost every sport imaginable at one time or another, I've tried all sorts of different dance styles, and taken up (and then put down) a handful of instruments. As it is I have a ton of interests, but don't excell at any one thing in particular. I'm okay with that.

Except when it comes to choking in front of J. The game before last I was doing really well, considering my lack of skill. This game though, I might as well have stayed home (except then we would have forfeited). I'm not gonna say that J made me choke. But it didn't help that I got so nervous because I knew where he was at all times and that he was so freaking close to me the whole game.

On the plus side he said he'd call me when he gets off of work today. On the con side why is it that I have to run into him in order to get him to call me or talk to me? Not that he wasn't nice. He's always nice and chatty and asking me how I am. He also has this habit of always mentioning how tired he is every time I see him now. The guy is busy, I get that. He works a 9-5 day four times a week and two other jobs on his three day weekends. So maybe I'm being hard on him, but surely if he's interested he wouldn't be that tired all the time.

Little does he know that we're not going to hook-up this time. Not because I wouldn't be willing to, he is way to attractive for me to say no to. But I have strict rules about sex during that time of the month. I figure if I think it's fairly gross so must the majority of guys. If it were a matter of one of us leaving the country tomorrow, yeah I might unplug and go with it, but that is certainly not the case.

The million dollar questions: 1) do I let him know when he calls..."BTW, I'm on and you're not getting any, still want to see me?" (all be it a little more wordy than that)...but then it's like a test...does he like me enough to just hang out or maybe dance instead of f*cking.
or 2) wait until he picks me up to tell him...which cold be more or less akward than hearing it over the phone, but also reassuring that nothing came of our last encounters (I never trust 1 type of contraceptive alone). So maybe he'll appreciate being told in person. I hate to be the kind of girl who tests a guy...but I want to wrap my head around this. If this is going to be just a sexual relationship, then fine, I just want to know for sure. (Right, it's been a week and half and I'm wanting assurances from a guy who has no place to take me but his backseat!! Crazy crazy girl).

In the mean time L has come around again...maybe saying no didn't hurt his feelings as much as I thought it did. We are supposed to "grab a bite" tomorrow. This one is just friends material, but at least it's somebody to occupy my time with some activities that aren't innapropriate back of the car sex.

The X had a vacation from work and called to tell me how bored he was and if I wasn't doing anything maybe we could go bowling. I wasn't doing anything, but I didn't go bowling. He has also offered to help me buy a computer. He's an enormous geek so his input would be really helpful. I just feel so guilty about using him. I'd like to be just friends with him, but I know he's hoping for more (well he was before anyhow). And now that I've hooked up with J there is no way I can go back. X has a very low opinion of girls that "sleep around." I may be single and therefore under no obligation to keep my pants on for him, but I know him too well to think that if he found out he'd be remotely okay with it.