I'm starting to get a little depressed about my MM situation. I haven't seen him more than a week. He has been good about calling every couple of days. This is the second weekend in a row that he hasn't asked me what my plans are even though he did call to say hi on Wednesday.
Last weekend I had to go out of town. I was pretty sure I had told him that I was leaving on Friday. He called on Friday and seemed surprised that I was out of town. A) I said I was leaving and B) It was Friday. Either he wanted to go out at the last minute or he was just calling to say hi on a Friday night. We did end up talking for awhile. Then on Saturday as I attempted to drive home through a snowstorm he called again to see if I'd gotten in okay or stopped to wait out the storm. That I did think was pretty nice.
But the weekend is here again and nothing from him.
I see this petering out. If he doesn't get his act together and start making plans with me ahead of time I'm going to have to move on.
I would love to chalk it up to him thinking I've been wooed and he doesn't need to do anything anymore. But he recently joined Facebook and he's listed as Single. If he's still single then I'm still single and he better start re-wooing or he's not going to have somebody to woo at all.
Valentine's Day is in less than a month. I've had multiple invites to go out of town for a dancing event. I was putting it off because I figured that MM and I would be pretty close by now. But it seems like we're farther apart than ever. I'm considering going away for V-Day. Unless he makes some kind of effort between now and then. I don't see this happening.
I feel like I shoulder some blame. The last time I saw him was last week. He texted me while I was at a friend's house not far from him. So I called back and when he knew where I was asked if I wanted to sleep at his place instead of going home. And the time I saw him before NYE he called me early Sunday hoping to see me, but I already had plans so I went over afterward. Other than the after-NYE make up date, we haven't had a real date in awhile. I hate to think I've become a glorified booty-call.
I'm not going to break up with him, but I'm beginning to think he's not going to end up my boyfriend either.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
And then I begin to think he might really care
So, even before I went out with MM last night I had decided against having the "serious" talk with him. Not because I wanted to get him serious but because I wanted to know if he thought we were serious or not. But either way, I thought it might scare him off if he thought this was moving faster than he liked.
He called me after work to double check we could get together, then after he was done at the gym to tell me he was done. I ended up going over there for dinner. He cooked, I made a salad when I got there. In the end it was extremely nice. MM was super touchy and affectionate taking any opportunity when he was near me to give me a kiss, or a hug, or just touch me as he moved from one end of the kitchen to the other.
He chatted about his trip a little bit. At my new years party there was a guy there who had lived in Germany for about half of his life there, another very good friend of mine went there to learn the language, and her ex was born there. But we never really brought up the argument again. It was nice to talk to him about his experiences there since they are important to him.
We both had to work today and be up early so he had said that I could bring clothes over so that I wouldn't have to get up so early and leave. That, and he gave me a toothbrush. When we went to bed he apologized again for being in-communicado.
All in all it was really sweet the little ways he tried to make it up to me, without saying, I'm trying to make this up to you.
In the morning we overslept and left together, only to discover that I had locked my keys in my car the night before. Someone in the same parking garage had a flat tire so we asked the towing guy if he could also open up my car. Which he did about 1/2 an hour later. I was an hour late to work, but MM stayed with me, let me sit in his car w/ the heat on, bought me a coffee and paid the guy for opening my door.
And instead of putting me in a bad mood for the morning it has made me super-duper happy.
He called me after work to double check we could get together, then after he was done at the gym to tell me he was done. I ended up going over there for dinner. He cooked, I made a salad when I got there. In the end it was extremely nice. MM was super touchy and affectionate taking any opportunity when he was near me to give me a kiss, or a hug, or just touch me as he moved from one end of the kitchen to the other.
He chatted about his trip a little bit. At my new years party there was a guy there who had lived in Germany for about half of his life there, another very good friend of mine went there to learn the language, and her ex was born there. But we never really brought up the argument again. It was nice to talk to him about his experiences there since they are important to him.
We both had to work today and be up early so he had said that I could bring clothes over so that I wouldn't have to get up so early and leave. That, and he gave me a toothbrush. When we went to bed he apologized again for being in-communicado.
All in all it was really sweet the little ways he tried to make it up to me, without saying, I'm trying to make this up to you.
In the morning we overslept and left together, only to discover that I had locked my keys in my car the night before. Someone in the same parking garage had a flat tire so we asked the towing guy if he could also open up my car. Which he did about 1/2 an hour later. I was an hour late to work, but MM stayed with me, let me sit in his car w/ the heat on, bought me a coffee and paid the guy for opening my door.
And instead of putting me in a bad mood for the morning it has made me super-duper happy.
Monday, January 05, 2009
gibt es etwas über mich?
I really want to know what about me tells guys to go ahead and walk all over me? Or perhaps I just put my feelings on the line to much, too quickly, too easily.
Things had been going really well with Martini Man. In early December he even came to my office Holiday Party. We exchanged gifts at X-mas (although that was mostly up to me because at thanksgiving I came across a great gift and had to get it for him). But then he tells me he's going to be out of town for New Years Eve. He had planned with his buddies a trip to New York City. I was understandably bummed. I thought we had made it to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage already. But I'm beginning to re-think that now.
He was out of town for Christmas with his family and came back for one day before going to New York. It was a Sunday, and even though I had a dance to go to, I did see him afterward. Said good bye on Monday when I went to work, with him saying he'd at least call on NYE. I did text him on Tuesday to let him know I was using his X-mas gift (bath salts) to which I got no reply. At one am on NYE I gave up waiting for my phone call. The next morning I did have a Happy New Years text - sent at 3am. Then I never heard from him. He had told me that he'd be back Friday or Saturday, I wasn't really betting on Friday and by Saturday afternoon I turned my telephone off. This is something I never do. I hate the fact that if a call comes in when my phone is off if they don't leave a message I never know they called. But I didn't want to be tempted to constantly check my phone, or pick up just because I missed him. Then at 8 o'clock I went dancing.
At 12:30 I checked and he'd called when he got home: "figured I'd give you a shout and see what you're up to." I was up to ignoring you!!! So I texted back "was out dancing, call me sunday."
Apparently his first clue that I was pissed was my phone going straight to voicemail. He knows I don't like turning my phone off, and apparently my texts come across warmer than the "cold" one I'd sent telling him to call me. I knew he'd have an excuse for why he was unable to call me, but I wasn't expecting the one I got.
He was in Germany.
Yeah, that's right, at the last minute he decided to go to Germany to visit friends there instead of NYC with the buddies he'd originally made the plans with.
I was flabbergasted. He knew he'd screwed up and asked what he could do to make it up to me. But I don't think he got the extent to which I was hurt during his trip.
After we talked on the phone, I still don't think he really got it. I texted him to let him know that I was hurt, that I wanted to feel important to him, and like I could trust him and that he'd basically lied to me and ignored me for a week. The funny thing is, I wouldn't have been as hurt if I'd known he was in Germany, because then I'd have understood why he wasn't calling. I even understand why he'd want to go there. I spent so much time being depressed when I got back from the UK; I would totally would have understood if he'd said, change of plans I'm headed to Germany. I would have said here's my address I want a postcard. He said he was sorry he hurt me and that I shouldn't have to feel that way. I did tell him that I wasn't available to see him that night. I didn't know when he was getting home so I had made weekend plans and I went out dancing Sunday too.
Of course, this opens up a whole new can of worms. It makes me wonder if he even thinks of us as being in a relationship, or if this is just casual dating to him. And if this is something that he does on a normal basis, goes off with out telling people where he's going or calling while he's gone, then maybe deep down he really wants to be single.
So, I'm supposed to see him tomorrow. He starts classes after work tonight for an MBA program. I was so excited about him coming home; I had a back to school surprise him because he hasn't been in classes in at least 5 years. I was even planning on a cute and funny first day of school text, but now I don't want to put my feelings anymore out there until I know what's going on. I know that on Tuesday I'm going to have to have the "relationship" talk with him. I'm petrified that it's going to be a break up talk. I don't want to break up with him, but I don't ever want to go through something like that. Thinking the person you're dating isn't thinking about you? I don't know if boys are just totally clueless or what?
Things had been going really well with Martini Man. In early December he even came to my office Holiday Party. We exchanged gifts at X-mas (although that was mostly up to me because at thanksgiving I came across a great gift and had to get it for him). But then he tells me he's going to be out of town for New Years Eve. He had planned with his buddies a trip to New York City. I was understandably bummed. I thought we had made it to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage already. But I'm beginning to re-think that now.
He was out of town for Christmas with his family and came back for one day before going to New York. It was a Sunday, and even though I had a dance to go to, I did see him afterward. Said good bye on Monday when I went to work, with him saying he'd at least call on NYE. I did text him on Tuesday to let him know I was using his X-mas gift (bath salts) to which I got no reply. At one am on NYE I gave up waiting for my phone call. The next morning I did have a Happy New Years text - sent at 3am. Then I never heard from him. He had told me that he'd be back Friday or Saturday, I wasn't really betting on Friday and by Saturday afternoon I turned my telephone off. This is something I never do. I hate the fact that if a call comes in when my phone is off if they don't leave a message I never know they called. But I didn't want to be tempted to constantly check my phone, or pick up just because I missed him. Then at 8 o'clock I went dancing.
At 12:30 I checked and he'd called when he got home: "figured I'd give you a shout and see what you're up to." I was up to ignoring you!!! So I texted back "was out dancing, call me sunday."
Apparently his first clue that I was pissed was my phone going straight to voicemail. He knows I don't like turning my phone off, and apparently my texts come across warmer than the "cold" one I'd sent telling him to call me. I knew he'd have an excuse for why he was unable to call me, but I wasn't expecting the one I got.
He was in Germany.
Yeah, that's right, at the last minute he decided to go to Germany to visit friends there instead of NYC with the buddies he'd originally made the plans with.
I was flabbergasted. He knew he'd screwed up and asked what he could do to make it up to me. But I don't think he got the extent to which I was hurt during his trip.
After we talked on the phone, I still don't think he really got it. I texted him to let him know that I was hurt, that I wanted to feel important to him, and like I could trust him and that he'd basically lied to me and ignored me for a week. The funny thing is, I wouldn't have been as hurt if I'd known he was in Germany, because then I'd have understood why he wasn't calling. I even understand why he'd want to go there. I spent so much time being depressed when I got back from the UK; I would totally would have understood if he'd said, change of plans I'm headed to Germany. I would have said here's my address I want a postcard. He said he was sorry he hurt me and that I shouldn't have to feel that way. I did tell him that I wasn't available to see him that night. I didn't know when he was getting home so I had made weekend plans and I went out dancing Sunday too.
Of course, this opens up a whole new can of worms. It makes me wonder if he even thinks of us as being in a relationship, or if this is just casual dating to him. And if this is something that he does on a normal basis, goes off with out telling people where he's going or calling while he's gone, then maybe deep down he really wants to be single.
So, I'm supposed to see him tomorrow. He starts classes after work tonight for an MBA program. I was so excited about him coming home; I had a back to school surprise him because he hasn't been in classes in at least 5 years. I was even planning on a cute and funny first day of school text, but now I don't want to put my feelings anymore out there until I know what's going on. I know that on Tuesday I'm going to have to have the "relationship" talk with him. I'm petrified that it's going to be a break up talk. I don't want to break up with him, but I don't ever want to go through something like that. Thinking the person you're dating isn't thinking about you? I don't know if boys are just totally clueless or what?
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