If you're gonna play in the mud

Went out with OG on Friday. It was either another friday alone at the movies, or going to see her and J dance. So I went with going out with her. I really should have gone to the movies.

I was hanging out at the bar with J's Brother. I think we got on the topic of the labor day weekend and plans. An outdoor festival was my plan, until OG asked me to do the saturday night show with her because J had friends in town and needed the night off. So that became my plan instead. JB then said that yes, this girl that J's dating, his other brother and his girlfriend, and the parents were all coming over to JB's house for the long weekend.

Yep, the girl that J's dating, the one he was picking up from the airport that night, the one that he couldn't bring out on saturday, the one from the same state he visited over the 4th of July weekend, the same one he cheated on two weeks ago by having sex with me.

Now, I remember a good bit of our hot tub conversations, and while I do recall a mention of a girl "I used to date" and a girl "I dated" but I am 100% positive that there was never a mention of a current girlfriend.

OG and I invited JB out for coffee with us when we left. He was going to join us, but half way there calls and says he can't he's got to go pick up J and his "lady friend" at the airport, because J illegally parked and was towed. At which point I responded "wow, what a great impression to make when you're picking up your girlfriend, welcome to The City, oh, I have no car." I was not corrected in the use of the word girlfriend.

Now, the pros of this situation are 1) I can stop thinking J is a kid in a candy store when it comes to sex and women and remind myself that he really is a player, and 2) I will never trust the guy again and 3) will never sleep with the guy again, and 4) can honestly say that my need to perform with him is quickly being engulfed by red hot seething hatred and 5) maybe I'm being cured of my ridiculous obsession.

I try to keep reminding myself, that unlike some people I know (B) I didn't intentionally cheat on anybody. I didn't look at J with a girlfriend and say, I want me some of that. In my mind he wouldn't have slept with me if he was in a relationship, but then I have ethics. I keep forgetting that some people don't. I feel so bad for this girl who flew out for a long weekend with her boyfriend and his family, and has no idea what a douche bag he really is. And the fact that I was put in the situation of having helped hurt her (if she ever finds out) makes me furious.

At the same time, JB continues to pursue me. He was asking OG if he was my type. He asked me if I had dated his brother (hmm...date? not exactly). Of course knowing his brother, he's got to know what "kinda sorta" really means. The sad part is, his brother is extremely nice. I've heard of these stories (like the airport) where he helps out J so many times. But I'm afraid I'd only go out with him to upset J. Three days ago I would have said to make J jealous, but now I know better. J did take JB aside and told him to stop flirting with me and OG. Except, deep down I know I'm a good person and I'd never do that to a nice guy.