Resolutions

I was blog hopping instead of working.

I ran across someone's new years post when I realized that I just completed my new years resolution. To J my feelings. I thought it'd be after May before I did or that I wouldn't at all. But there you go. The hidden positive.

So I need a new resolution. What should my quarter year resolution be? Move on, let go? No, I need something active. I got past the X by joining the gym, learning to dance, and having sex with my instructor. How do I get over the instructor?

I have a goal for the summer actually. I want to be more flexible and be able to do the splits side and front by the end of August. But again, I'm afraid that this is just stemming from J and BMG. She can do the splits, so can his other partner. God, even after this weekend knowing I would find out what I did find out I kept thinking of things to do to help him (I kept reminding myself that guys don't like that). I wish I didn't care about him.

My other goal is to quit my job at the end of August. Well, it was. I think I wanted out of here and back on campus to be near J. Blech. I'm disgusting. Even to myself. All this shit I did to be nearer him, to be around him more often, to be more available. WTF? Where did my self respect go? I had some once.

Quarter Year Resolution: Re-discover my self respect.

I read an article in Psychology where a woman having only bad luck with men and relationships, moved into a studio apartment and got a single bed. Didn't go out with anyone and focused on herself and work. When she was ready to re-emerge she met someone wonderful and had a fufilling relationship.

When the X and I broke up my new years resolution was to be selfish because I knew I had lost a part of myself in him. But this isn't the case. This is a case of actually finding something quite cool and being rejected by the person who introduced it to me.

Ack! I really want to stay off the topic of J. Really.