Scaredy Cat

I chickened out.

For all of my bravado and fantasies of acting normal. I chose my cutest work out outfit of black short shorts and loosish school logo t-shirt that matches the thin stripe of color in my sneakers. God, I even practiced a cheerful "Hi! How are you?" in the mirror so that it didn't look sad or forced. But I couldn't do it and I practically ran out of the gym ten minutes before 7 praying that I wouldn't run into him.

On my way home today I kept telling myself that all the guys in my life that have come back to me wanting to get back together are the ones I managed to stay "friends" with. I thought if I can just be friendly, normal and friendly that maybe in a month or two he'd tell me what I want to hear.

Maybe it's a good thing I ran away.


But I wanted to see him. I want to be normal with him. I want him to not ignore me anymore. I can't have that if I don't stick around to see him. I'm cursing myself for being a huge fucking coward.