It's been awhile

Wow, I had totally forgotten about that last post.

No, I haven't started eating meat again. I do every now and then start researching Certified Humane meat and CSAs etc... but I never get very far with it. I start feeling so horrible and get turned off again at the thought of eating it. So, I guess that's my answer - no conscientious omnivorism for me.

On the flip side I have been eating much healthier. For a while I was having terrible mood swings. I would feel so bad for MM, because little things would set me off and I'd be terribly sad about something he'd done or said, and other times I'd just be over the moon. We wouldn't fight our anything - but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was getting stuck in the "you can't do anything right" mentality. And I knew it wasn't reflecting reality. So... I took a look at what was going on in my life:

sitting on my ass all day in a job that I don't even really do (instead I'm facebooking, blogging etc).
eating junk on a regular basis (weekly binges of twizzlers, doritos or cheetos, ice cream or candy bars etc.)
procrastinating on things that I thought mattered to me (piano lessons, dancing, school, organizing my office and home)
watching way too much tv

This led me to two things - 1) a book by Hyrum W. Smith (yes, he's Mormon, but I can over look that - and overlooked alot of the "god" messages) about time management from a value standpoint - finding your values and living them. And 2) I got hooked on The Biggest Loser through Hulu.com.

I am still working on putting my values into practice for time management. I thought of that as I went to bed last night after sitting on my butt watching TV for a good bit of the night. I looked around my room and thought - "I wanted to clean this up and instead I sat on my ass all night."
But, it is getting better. I am getting more done in other ways because after watching so much Biggest Loser and reading the book I realized that myself and my help are very high on my value list and I need to start living that way.

Which led me to this book by Jillian Michaels. Okay, she's not an endocronolgist, but she's done her research and has the bibliography to prove it. After reading it I have given up high fructose corn syrup and all sodas including diet. I have given up all artificial sweeteners - which was harder to do actually, since I loved Splenda. I have started making all of my meals. I actually sit at home and eat breakfast instead of stopping at Dunkin' Donuts (a prior fave of mine). I bring food for a snack (no vending machine visits) and lunch (no Taco Bell or cafeteria food anymore) and make dinner at home. I have actually manged to exercise for the past few weeks too. And I'm starting on a running program to be half-marathon ready at the end of October.

I found that it is actually working!

MM and I had a great Memorial Day weekend (with the exception of a couple moments of moodiness). We spent it at his parents house, went to a wedding and to the Indy 500. The moody moments were - the day after the wedding when he was helping his dad on the farm and I was left to my own devices - and just be fore the Indy when I found out that I didn't need to hunt down and buy a sun hat before we left because we were sitting in the covered portion and now I had this thing to deal with (there was also the added factor of MM joking around that this was a car race not a derby and hats weren't required which royally pissed me off) . All in all though the weekend was fun and in the process I gained a bunch of weight. Its weird, I could binge at home and be fine with my weight because I wouldn't eat normal food too, but if I go out I eat normal and indulge which is disaster.

So as soon as I got home I started to clean up my diet. The moods have been much less severe - only once this whole week and that was directly related to me not eating every four hours. My libido has also made a change for the better which MM has totally noticed. Before it was an effort to get in the mood and if MM didn't approach it just right I would be totally uninterested. I'm also sleeping better most nights. This seems to have a correlation with exercise and when I eat my last meal.

There is still room for improvement. I have cheated a little bit here and there. I had a couple of cookies and donut holes which are given out free at my grocery store. And I haven't eliminated my fat - free coffee creamer which I am sure has weird stuff in it. BUT I have made strides and I'm hoping that this is one "diet" I can actually stick too.